Words of Advice

I've just been over at Nelly's Garden and Ma Nelly (my granny) has been guest blocking. Bosoms being her chosen subject, and how best to dress them. I have to say though, her advice is a little out-dated. These days woman are less likely to want to attract mummy-loving, welly-boot wearing farmer boys who read Ireland's Own and more likely to want to attract the wrong sort of man. This would be a more modern day approach to bosoms.

The first rule is to show as much cleavage as possible. This means wearing low cut top, shirts with all top 6 buttons undone, two belts or just a bra. If you aren't well-endowed and haven't got much of a cleavage there are ways to cheat. Wonderbras, push up bras, balcony bras, magic bras or chicken fillets will all give you the appearance of having more of a bust. However, think about how disappointed your man will be when he undresses you. Really the only thing to do is get a breast enlargement.

The second rule is to always be alert. This means that if your you-know-whats aren't standing to attention you should immediately place yourself in a cool area, such as a walk-in freezer. This is harder during the warmer seasons so you'll have to rely mainly on your cleavage or alternatively, you could flash them. Golden rules: You should always draw attention to your bosoms. You should always stick out your chest when talking to men. You should always show a bit of cleavage and a bit of leg. Remember, your bosoms are your weapon, attack and conquer with them. No man, especially the wrong type of man, can resist the womanly charms of your heaving bust.