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Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Warning! Explicit Language, Your Eyes May Bleed

It's been a while since I did a blog rant. I kinda made a conscious effort to be more positive but y'know what? Fuck it. I'm gonna rant. Once again I'm disillusioned by the working world. I try to be as positive as I can about most of the jobs I do but sometimes it just gets to you. People! Stupid, incompetent, ignorant, ill-mannered, greedy, impatient, sly, stinking, rotten fuckers! Not all of them, of course, but this is my second day back at work after a week's holiday and I've just returned to chaos. Everybody wants something and they want it now. It's all about money, professionalism, pride and bollocks.

Ah, there, rant over. It does feel better to get it off my chest though. It's not that bad really. Things can always be worse. I'm lucky that it's just my job that's shitty. I'm lucky that it's a temporary job and I don't have the pressure of a career pinning me down anywhere. And as for the fuckers, I can choose not to let them annoy me. I can leave the crap behind me at five o'clock because I'm not paid to care past then.

So once again back to good things and fluffiness. Mum reminded me today that Halloween is creeping up on us. Z kindly provided me with this link to a website that shows you how to make your very own lion mask!! I don't know though. It's a wee bit too realistic and I might freak people out. I know that is the idea at Halloween but sometimes it can be taken just that bit too far. Kerm Dog springs to mind.

I would have some photos of my trip to England to plaster all over the place but I've had a huge falling out with digital technology. It wouldn't do what it was meant to do and I called it a piece of shit and it called me a bitch and said I hadn't a clue how to work it and I said that wasn't true it was purposely just being a complete twat to get at me. The fight ended in tears. But not mine.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

I'm Not Crying, I've Just Been Cutting Onions

If you've been over at Nelly's you'll know that Bonnie is doing not too bad. She had some kind of red blod cell disease that she may possibly have contracted from onions, we're not sure, but she is home and she is alive so it's al good!

I just got back from a week in England seeing a lot of crazy cats. On Friday I met up with Dirt Bird and Scully-On. Dirt Bird wanted to be 15 again and drink cider in the park. I wanted to be 7 again and play on the swings in the park.

On Saturday we went for a drive to the Holly (Mighty) Bush just outside of Leek. It's a lovely wee canalside pub in the country. I've always loved it there. Dad, Linda and I would sometimes go for a drink then walk back to Leek by the canal path. We went there with Gravy Dave and Danny Boy. We had food and it was then that a very sinister character appeared, Charlie Chip Liddin' It. He's a story for another day though.

Ach, thinking about Charlie Chip just put me off there. I'm gonna have to finish this post by recommending that if you have a spare few minutes in your life check the Flights Of The Conchords out. Also, if you happen to be Norn Irish, you just can't not find this funny. Even if you're not from N.Iron, you'll probably still appreciate it.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008


Originally uploaded by ZMB
Feck and damnation! Only yesterday I was complaining about having nothing to write about. Today I wish I didn't have anything to write about.

Bonnie's sick. Sick as a dog. We knew it but I don't think we knew she was quite as sick as she is. Bert took her to the vet this morning. She needs a blood transfusion.

And bless her for she really has not been herself this past couple of days but she has tried.

Mum is devastated and praying to God that she'll be alright. I remember that day her and the labrador were dandering up the Dreen Road. Even then you could tell she was the friendliest dog in the world. It became apparent early on that she had been mistreated. She didn't know what it meant to be a dog.

Mum nurtured her, taught her how to play. Bert took her runs in the van so she eventually grew out of her travel sickness. Holly de cat and Z's Gracie would sink their teeth into her mane and she never once was angry.

Fuck I hope she's ok.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

The Wedding Lurgi

We had a few visitors, over the weekend, here at Nellybert's. One in the form of World Head, aka Salt Face aka Jamie from Wolstanton, the other in the form of the lovely Mel aka the lovely Mel.

Such was the occasion that even Bert went to the pub. Bert must be well over his wedding lurgi* now because he didn't just go out on Friday night but Saturday night too, to see the Red Hot Chilli Pipers live in action at Portglenone. On Friday night mum was woken from her slumber by Bert poking her with a toasted bagel. When I asked mum what Bert was doing in her bed Jamie replied:

They're married now Hannah, they're allowed to do that.

I guess they are. On Sunday Mel came round for her dinner and Swisser provided the entertainment. She fainted into the kitchen, clutching the door frame, struggling to stand on her two wee leg's, which were trembling underneath her. She must have caught Bert's wedding lurgi but after a big feed of curry and chocolate orange cake and fudge, she was as right as rain. Lurgi forgotten about until she was leaving and was worried that if she hugged Mel she'd be passing on her lurgi germs. How ye doing Mel? Feeling faint and feverish?

Rosie and Bonnie, being clever dogs, knew who Jamie was instantly. Paddy, not being the brightest of pups, took at least 2 hours to work it out. Oh, but when he did!

* Bert developed a lurgi after he got married. Under no circumstances was Bert feeling so peely wally because of drink. His lurgi lasted for at least 2 weeks!

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Electric Picnic: How Rachael Allen Got me Drunk

There was so much to see and do at this festival there was never a dull moment. It was easy to get sidetracked, like when we walked past the dancing skeletons and the brass band playing Tequila, or the fantastic water stomping show with butterfly acrobactics. Zoe wanted to check out the live cooking demo so we wandered over to where Rachael Allen (Ireland's answer to Nigella Lawson) whizzed up a Gazpacho, which I obsessed about (it seemed like a miracle hangover cure) until they brought out some cocktails (also, a miracle hangover cure). So, Rachael Allen got me drunk. She teased me with Gazpacho then she got me drunk. I love that woman. She's better than Nigella.

Aaaah, I'm starting to forget now, everything that happened, but something I'll probably never forget is when a very drunk (quite ignorant) fella came over to me as I sat on the grass and asked me if I had any herion!

Says I to he: What kind of question is that to ask a complete stranger?

Says he to me: I don't know I just thought maybe you might have some heroin.

Says I to he: Do I look like the sorta person who would have heroin?

Says he to me: Yes, you look malnourished and a little bit yellow!

If Rachael had given me that Gazpacho I'm sure I would have looked less yellow and slightly more nourished. I'm sure of it!

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Electric Picnic: The Village Green

The Village Green was where all the silly, nonsense things took place. A lady vicar danced provokatively to Prince outside the inflatable church, the village firemen rescued a kitty from a tree, people eat bacon, cheese and jam sanwiches for breakfast (I am still slightly disturbed by this but free breakfast is free breakfast). This is also where the ferris wheel and carousel were located, where Zoe and I hooted and hollered with delight as we spun round and round, whilst trying to hold onto our (weird) breakfast.

Another Village Green attraction was the silent disco. How does a silent disco work, I hear you ask. Well, everyone goes in and is given a set of headphones. Half the room hears a selection of songs, while the other half hears a different selection of songs. The result: everyone is dancing to their own personal disco. When you take your headphones off and look around it's hilarious. Everyone's dancing and bouncing to silence. We were told when we went in that it was meant to be a silent disco and if we sang along they would stop playing music.

Obviously Zoe and I exhausted ourselves running around this place soaking up all the excitement so when it all got too much we'd hang out in the Mind and Soul area. This is where all the hippies could be found, hugging trees, lounging about in hammocks, and generally being at peace with the world...

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Electric Picnic: The Music

Yessss! Live music was just the injection my soul needed. this is who I saw at Electric Picnic 2008:

Tinariwen - I'd never heard of them before (annoyingly, mum had) but I was intrigued by the programme's description of their desert jazz tunes. I wasn't disappointed either. Good music for chilling out to.

Christy Moore - Christy put on a class show because he seemed to be enjoying himself and he pulled in a big crowd. He only played upbeat songs and so everyone was really cheery and bouncy. You can't not smile and dance when your Irish and you hear Lisdoonvarna played live.

Gomez - I love this band and was looking forward to seeing them the most. They were fantastic but definitely not the music highlight of the weekend. It seemed like they were bored of playing their songs and they lacked any real stage presence. The two main singers didn't interact with the crowd at all and seemed a bit grumpy. They only played songs off Bring It On, which almost seemed like cheating. Still very good. But I said to Zoe that I didn't think I wanted them to come to our Halloween party anymore.

Duffy - I'm not a huge Duffy fan so we just saw the last couple of songs from her set. Can't say much about her though except that she's better than Amy Winehouse purely for the fact she remembers her words.

Franz Ferdinand - I'm ashamed to admit that I only really knew the sngles before seeing them but I am encouraged to seek out more (Dad, that is in no way a subtle hint to suggest that you could maybe, possibly copy me some CD's :) Good music to dance to. So we danced.

The Breeders - Yaaaaaaaaaaayyyy!! I am so happy I got to see the coolest female bassist ever. Kim and her twin sister Kelly are fantastic. They are definitely invited to our Halloween party. They smiled and talked the whole way through their set. They played a perfect blend of old and new songs and they played all the classics. I could've watched them play all night. Kim told us her mum had alzheimers before saying "She wrote some words in this next song" They were astounding and I walked away feeling like I was 14 and had just seen my idols (well, maybe not quite like that but it was awesome)

Sinead O'Connor - We couldn't actually be arsed going in to see her. We just listened to her whine from outside. She did play Nothing Compares 2 U but by that time me and Zoe were more interested in getting free tea and Flakes.

Grinderman - I had to listen to them on Zoe's ipod 'cause I'd never heard them before. Nick Cave at his finest. Same deep haunting voice, same crazy, mental rock music, but rather than being just dark, he is now humourously dark. I loved it! The only downside was that it was difficult to see the band because Nick Cave attracts abnormally tall people.

The Gossip - They're just a good fun, punk rock, chick band, how could I not like them? We missed a good bit of it but ejoyed what we saw.

Conor Oberst and The Mystic Valley Band - I'm more familiar with Bright Eyes but I think Conor Oberst is a lyrical genius so obviously I was gonna love anything he did. Apparently Conor was rotten with a cold when he played but he mentioned getting something from "a nice Scottish doctor" and somehow I don't think it was Beecham's. He actually seems like an arrogant little shit with strange quirks that he thinks are cool but are actually quite annoying. It doesn't matter though because he is cool, so he gets away with it. We loved them.

So that was the music. That was only a tiny bit of the festival. There was so much more but my fingers are weary from typing so it'll have to wait another day.