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Wednesday, May 30, 2012

The Witched Wick of the Weest

I think I might be an apple connoisseur. This time of year the Royal Galas are in good stead. They must know it's the Queen's Jubilee next week. Normally I'm a Pink Lady kinda gal but they aren't so sweet this time of year. They're more of an autumn fruit. I'm not a big fan of a Grannysmith. They make my glands go a bit funny. And Golden delicious are neither golden nor delicious. But anyway, that's not what this post is about. This post is about, well, nothing in particular really. My life, though happy and relatively peaceful, is a little mundane at the moment.

I've been watching a series called Beyond Belief: Fact or Fiction. As you can probably tell from the title it is American and total trash T.V. It's about strange coincidences and ghostly things and the point is to determine if they are true or not. It's one of those things that the more unbelievable it is the more likely they are to claim that it'a true. The believable ones are, apparently, codswallop. Anyway, I told Jakers the other morning that I had a rather pointless dream about his block of flats being redecorated. He'd been staying at mine and I joked about how funny it would be if he went home and they were decorated. We both agreed that would be a story (albeit a very boring one) for BBFF. Turns out that Jakers block wasn't redecorated but his next door neighbour had repainted their door. I don't care how pointless and random it is I still think it's a bit freaky. Being psychic would surely be a curse. I like the unknown. I like surprises (so much so that I requested a surprise birthday party). I like the suspense. Being psychic would be a total burden and not to mention the fact that if I was in a different era I would be burned at the stake as a witch. I don't want to be a witch. I want to be a clown. I know they're just as scary but I view juggling as a much more worthy pastime than casting spells and cursing people.

Sunday, May 27, 2012


Awwww it would be lovely if the weather was scorchio all the time. It's warm at work with all the machines running and so the working day is torture but it's worth it for the warm balmy evenings. Puts me in the mood for a spot of photography. And I have found a stash of Kodak film at Poundland which means I can get trigger happy with my Pentax SLR.

Judy and Bonnie happily pose in the lawn for me. You can tell they've done this before.

This is the trendy man's choice of footwear. Bert and Wee Nes model the spring/summer '12 collection.

Wee Nes sporting a fine pair of shades and a very lovely glass of wine modelled by Nelly's hand.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

I would love a holiday. Of course, wouldn't we all but I just get all tingly and excited when I think of being somewhere different. I have been doing a bit of Jedi mind training. When I'm walking around I try to look at Ballymena through the eyes of a foreigner. Dspite having spent most of my life here there are many parts of the town I have never really bothered to look at. By looking at them I can convince myself that I've never been here before and it's all new to me. I wonder how long this will last before I get bored and need an actual real holiday.

The rats have bonded well with Jakers. In fact, they seem to think that he is a big rat (might be the ears, I'm not sure). They groom him when he comes to visit. Saves me the bother. It's nice for him though as he never received much affection from Pepe. There was a power struggle going on between them and Pepe preferred me 'cause I let her run rings round me.

Pushed for time here so I must go and get my bedroom sorted. I can brasso no more. It's costing me a fortune in money and time. Jakers is starting to think that I'm possessed by the evil bed spirit. A bit like Stephen King's Christine. So I have to give up my brasso habit to concentrate on my role as a loving, caring girlfriend.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

The Land Of Giants

I was in the darkroom at work today which is, you know, dark. It is also the staff toilet. We go in there to change photo paper or bust a roll of film out of it's canister if the little doo dah contraption doesn't work. Can you see where I'm going with this?

Yes, I accidentally dropped someone's film down the loo. I had that moment where I thought about what I would do. Well, to go and turn the light on was not an option as the film would most definitely be ruined. But I couldn't be sure that it wouldn't be ruined after being dropped in the toilet. We live in fear of ruining anyone's film or photos because photos can be so precious to people. Nothing can replace them. So I did what any dedicated photo specialist would do and stuck my hand down the toilet, in pitch black, and fished it out.

The photos were fine. My hand was fine. Sometimes the toilet doesn't totally flush away all the loo roll but, thankfully, this wasn't such an occasion. All was well except for the fact that I still had to stick my hand down the toilet bowl and that's never a good thing.

The Lovely Mel was at home on Saturday. We went to out to Cullybackey to hang with Nellybert, The Banjos and Swisser and the many many dogs. Young Loveheart was also there and he was showing off his heavy duty microscope that magnifies things by a million times. I had never been a big fan of science but Mel and I happily spent several hours getting lost in the world of small things. Things just look totally different that close up. We raided the herbs and spices rack to get many of our 'subjects'. Fennel was one of the most interesting and a Jelly Tot up close was also pretty cool. Mr. Banjo offered up one of his dirty skanky nails for us to investigate but that was a little scary as I'm sure I saw something wiggling. And then Loveheart left, taking his toy with him, so we had no choice but to revert to conversation as a form of entertainment. I may invest in one of these state of the art microscopes.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Never Too Old To Play At The Park

I have had the best week. It has been a week of not working and taking things slowly. I purposely didn't plan anything for the week other than having my niece for a sleepover. This was the first time she had come to stay with me so it was very exciting for us both. We did a bit of painting, etch-a-sketching and reading. She was a perfect angel.

I took her to the park on Wednesday. We were lucky that it was a rare sunny, dry day. We played in the toddlers park for a while and then we ventured into the big kid's play area. This was mutually beneficial as I had to do a lot of supervising and by supervising I mean playing.

Today is my last day of holiday so I plan to make the most of it. I have already had a lovely lie in ruined by the builders next door. But when you're happy you don't care that builders are in the next room drilling holes and filling their cracks with sawdust. And it was 11 O'Clock to be fair.

Jakers is now a trained acupuncturist. He can stick needles in my ears and I love it though if he tries to stick them in my eye I'll punch him in the face. Oh, and I nearly forgot to mention that he got us tickets to see the Stone Roses and Florence and the Machine in June. I may, possibly, have the best boyfriend ever.

Thursday, May 03, 2012

Colin The Caterpillar Has A Very tasty Face

I wanted my 30th birthday party to be a good one but I didn't want the hassle of organising it myself. That's when Dirt Bird offered to organise it for me. And when Jayney found out she wanted to help. It was she who suggested that we should tell everyone it was going to be a surprise party. So we did.

For my 21st Birthday a few of my closest friends, my (then) boyfriend, mum, dad and respective partners all went to the Dam of Amster. It was brilliant, at least what I remember of it. The main thing is that I learnt a very valuable lesson on that trip. Don't take magic mushrooms in the heart of the city, in broad daylight before you've found Vondel Park. It was only Romy and I at this stage and we were to meet everyone else the next day. The plan had been to find the park, consume the edibles, and lie back to enjoy the good times. The reality was that Romy couldn't wait that long, mushies burning a hole in her pocket, so we sat on one of the many canalside benches, ate our mushrooms and walked along in pursuit of the park.

I think I first noticed that the drugs were taking effect when Romy announced that she didn't like hills. They weren't so much hills as slight ramps but such was Romy's aversion to them that we had to sit on several benches every few minutes to get over the mammoth ramps we were climbing. So while she battled with her fear of hills I was still intent on finding the park with it's lush green grass for us to lie on. We were lucky. We had maps to refer to. We were unlucky. Because although I could see the shaded green patch that represented the park on saiod maps, I could not, for the life of me, relate this to real life. I chose instead to sniff the air and wander in the direction that I felt the park should be in.

This went on for several hours. The closest to a park we found was a little island in the middle of a roundabout. We were almost run over several times while trying to get to this island and when we did we were less than impressed with it's patchy, scratchy grass. And the tranquility of the moment was rather spoiled by the noise and fumes of the traffic rounding us.

Possibly the worst part of the day was when we needed the toilet. I'm still, to this day, not quite sure how we managed to go to a random bar, use the world's tiniest toilet, and live to tell the tale. But we did. Also, after a while it occurred to us that we would need to find the hostel we were staying at and this led to a feeling of impending doom. How were we ever going to find it when we had no idea where we were, where our hostel was and what it was called. Luckily we just stumbled across it. And as we lay in our bunk beds (me willing the sun to go down so I could sleep, unaware that it wasn't the sun but a light in the dorm) we had a long, deep discussion about how nice it would be to smoke a joint but how on earth were we ever going to be able to roll one. I had to pep talk myself for a long time before we went down to the hostel cafe and it took me just as long to be able to roll a joint. It wasn't 'til the next day that it occurred to us that we were in Amsterdam. We didn't have to roll joints we could just buy them.

My 30th wasn't quite so dramatic. In fact, I walked through the wrong door so I kinda spoiled the surprise part, even though it wasn't really a surprise. I had the best night I've had in a long, long time though and that was thanks to my mates for being there, my mates for organising it and in particular, to Jakers who tied everything together and made sure I had a good turn out. And after printing a 1000 pictures of kids and their caterpillar cakes I managed to get not one but two of my very own.

Tuesday, May 01, 2012

Give Me Back My Old Blog

Press 'enter' for line breaks....


Reading blog posts is no fun if it looks like the words have just been spat out on the page.

I need spaces


my words

please :)