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Wednesday, August 02, 2017

Thunderstruck

I was preparing myself for the end of my degree to feel a little hollow. When you devote so much time and energy to something that comes to fruition there is a great sense of relief and another sense of...so what now? I expected to feel a little bored, empty and restless but I haven't had time to. My life is busy and full. Mostly with good things. Stress and worry are never too far away. I am happy but that doesn't mean the whole world is. And, as always, I feel a huge responsibility to fix things. This is an ongoing challenge for me...I am not responsible for the whole world. Having said that...it's what drives me. It's where my passion is directed. I have so much to express I feel like I really need to go live in that hedgerow in Connemara. I feel like I need to sit in a darkened room, listening to music, dancing, writing, singing and cultivating something that can help me to connect.

There has been several thunder storms in a space of a week. It feels like we're on the cusp of something. I witness that thunder in a lot of people. I sense that it's been bubbling away under the surface for a long time and it's ready to explode. Feelings are spilling out and it's not a bad thing but rather, a very necessary thing. It's making room for the sun to shine.

I'm cultivating hope. I'm practicing my self-love. I feel that everything's so fragile but I can keep this fire in soul burning if I rememeber who I am, who I truly am. All those tests I passed, they were hard, but the hardest test of all is taking off the mask, deconstructing the defenses and keeping my heart open just enough to let the light in without drowning in the darkness. And, as always, I'm ready.