Monday, January 26, 2015

Ziggy The Hairy Dragon Baby

I have got a new flatmate and to say that Ziggy approves is an understatement. For once I didn't have to play the flatmate lottery (which sucks by the way) and it ended up that a friend was looking a place to stay. That friend is Gus who I play geetar with and who makes me laugh and who Ziggy adores so it is a win win situation for all parties. 'Cause, y'see, I'm a girl who's all about the music and the laughing and making sure my dog is happy. And yet, that desire to make everyone happy never leaves me.

I am back at class and loving it. I have a driving lesson booked for tomorrow. I haven't been driving since September so I expect to be a bit rusty but I'm hoping I'll be a little more confident and assertive this time round. My course has been helping me work on these issues that I've struggled with in many aspects of my life. There is also this amazing feeling of knowing that I'm exactly where I'm meant to be. At the right time, with the right people. I'm glad the wrong people left my life. Even if it hurt at the time.

I feel it's worth mentioning that this time last year I was trying to be hopeful but it was hard. I'd just come out of a relationship and I had no idea what had happened. My head kept telling me what I should be doing but my heart was heavy and did not want to listen to my head. At the time I felt that if I just had closure I could move on and let go of the hurt. I wasn't going to get closure the way that I wanted though and I fought a long hard battle with myself to find peace within. I won the battle though! I accepted that I had to find my own closure.

It's safe to say I truly have my closure now. Both within myself and in the good old traditional sense that I had hoped so hard for (no joke, if you really, really want something you'll get it in the end, you might just have to wait a year, or two, or thirty). I've ordered my Littlest Hobo t.shirt "Maybe tomorrow....I'll wanna settle down". Ziggy just so happens to be getting cuter by the day and now that he can roll over I think he's maybe ready for his acting career to take off. There's been a fair few local bearded men, including Gus, who have played extras in The Game of Thrones so expect to see Ziggy playing some kind of hairy dragon baby in the next series.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

What It Means To Me

It was a year ago that I stumbled upon a book in the library called The Indigo Adult. It came at a time when I needed answers and it most certainly gave me a lot of comfort. I wrote a little bit about it, about what it meant to me, and then I never mentioned it again (on my blog at least - poor Jakers is sick hearing about Indigos). The reason for that was because it was a concept I was still exploring. And that's all it is, a concept. I joined a group on Facebook and learnt a lot more about what it means to other people to be an Indigo. I wasn't sure if I liked it all. Too many people claiming that they were Indigo when others were not. Too many people telling others what they should and shouldn't be doing. But, essentially, it's an arena for learning and if you can take everything with a pinch of salt there is much learning to be gained.

For example, a lot of people focus on an Indigo's psychic abilities. This was never an interest of mine. And a lot of Indigo's believe that they come from other planets (so they get labelled crazy). Each to their own, I don't care if someone came from the sewers or the moon they all deserve the same respect. I don't feel like I am the same as others but I still believe that I came from the same place as them.

So what does it mean to me to be an Indigo? It just means that I can vision the world how it should be. Many people can. Except, maybe the difference is that people don't believe they have the power to change anything. It is easier to go with the crowd, follow rules and believe everything we're told. I can vision the world how it is meant to be and I believe that the world, or rather the people in it, will get there some day. I really believe this. I have to believe it otherwise I just wouldn't want to be here. I have to believe that when I bring a child into this world I am bringing them into a place of hope and possibility. Essentially, that's what it boils down to. I take comfort in being an Indigo because it gives me hope. And it excites me. In a world where people are so cynical.

I think I have come to this place in my life because I was bored of the norm. My most favourite book, The Alchemist, spoke of travel, adventure, magic, treasure and being connected with the soul of the universe. It was written beautifully, by a man who wanted to share the beauty he saw in the world. It gave me something to believe in. Everything happens for a reason, the universe is there to guide you and help you. Also, the fact remains that strange things happen in my life and I enjoy looking for the meaning in these events. It is no secret that I love a good jigsaw puzzle. Well, I like to put all the pieces of my life together to see the bigger picture and, quite often, I'm blown away.







Tuesday, January 13, 2015

The Accuser's Dog

Oh the abuse Ziggy had to put up with the other night! It was not physical abuse but emotional and it troubled him not in the slightest. I was obviously upset on his behalf but then I was feeling somewhat fragile after being struck down with a boking lurgy. I am seldom sick. This is because my brain is very good at communicating with my stomach and it tells my stomach not to reject food because my throat and mouth don't like the feeing of half digested food travelling down my gullet in the wrong direction. Ziggy was first accused of being stinking (it was, in fact, the accusers dog who was stinking and this was verified by a number of independent invigilators who, willingly, sniffed both dogs). Then he was accused of his anal glands bursting. I'm not sure if this is just a professor's way of saying he'd farted or if the person saying it actually thought his anal glands had burst. The accuser's dog harassed Ziggy all night. Ziggy didn't mind but the accuser did. She thought perhaps, her dog had remembered the time when Ziggy had humped him and was trying to get pay back. I think the dog was just besotted with Ziggy because he's so damn cool. While the accuser's dog was 'rimming' Ziggy (the accuser's words, not mine) she yelled "What's he doing!? Is he trying to eat worms out of Ziggy's bum?"

Ziggy does not have worms. Nor had his anal glands burst and I'd bathed him the night before so he smelt fresh as a daisy. Never mind the fact that all of this was not the appropriate kind of chat for someone with a delicate stomach. The accuser is not a bit wise but humble enough to admit that she was protagonising because she was suffereing from dog envy. Her dog is lovely too. And Ziggy was so tired after his harassing that he lay on my chest with he wee snout buried in my neck.

I'm back to school next week and I can't wait. And every one I know, including myself, seems to be starting the new year feeling hopeful and excited about what lies ahead. I haven't spoken much about matters of the heart lately, and that's because I needed to focus on the silly side of life, but I can feel a stirring in my soul and it seems the universe really is conspiring to help me.

Friday, January 09, 2015

Tom Cruisin' It

Isn't it Sod's law that after years and years of owning a bog standard phone, as soon as I get a newfancy one I start being very careless. There was the time I lost it in work and it was found by a manager in amongst the cheese. I lost it a few weeks ago but it was in my friend's car. Yesterday something worse happened. New T.Shirts had arrived in work and I was rooting through the box for a small size. They were all gone and I said to my manager that the boys were probably taking them to show off their muscles. It was tea time and I'd just walked upstairs and into the toilets. My phone beeped. I read the text message, which was from my boss telling me she'd found a small t.shirt and had it stashed away for me. I put the phone in my pocket, flushed the toilet and felt my phone slip from my pocket down the toilet. My second Trainspotting Moment. The phone seems to be alright. It's a bit glitchy but I can make phonecalls and texts and check the net. I have said before that I just don't believe in insurance.

Ziggy and I are both pretty scunnered with the weather now. I have relaxed a bit with walking him everyday, as long as he never goes two days in a row without a decent walk and they days he doesn't get I make sure I have visitors round to play with him. On Wedensday I went to the Lovely Mel's for lunch. Her mum has two black and tan Jack Russell bitches called Smudge and Midge, or Fudge and Smidge, I can never get it right. Luckily for me Ziggy is always on his best behaviour when we visit other dog's houses (except for his Granny's) and he behaved like a perfect gentleman, despite Smudge barking at him incessantly the whole time he was there. I was glad to see someone else's dog be neurotic for a change.

In the pipeline for 2015 will hopefully be more music making, more laughing, a day-in-the-life video of what Ziggy gets up to at his Granny's house, hanging with the eldest niece every Thursday for the next month or so (I have alrady learned how to play 'Let It Go' from Frozen so M and I can perform it), PASSING MY DRIVING TEST, further consideration of illustrators for various children's book projects, adventuring (a trip to Buckna does me these days), and general happiness. And no doubt 2015 will throw some romance my way which I will mention every once in while, cryptically, in case it all blows up in my face. It's just not cool to do a Tom Cruise on your blog.


Wednesday, January 07, 2015

The World's Tiniest Frog

I was going to write about Christmas but it was dull. It's over, I survived, yay! New Year was less dull but not worthy of a write up. It was a strange night but good. So, instead I will write about an app that I got for my phone. Jakers was here the other night and he scoffed at my new app, which tells your mood by scanning your thumb. Of course it's a load of bullshit but I made Jakers do it anyway. My mood was passionate. I hoped Jakers didn't think I was gonna pounce on him. He tried it out and the app told him he was yearning. He scoffed at this notion. I tried it again and got confident. Yep, confident that this app was the real deal. Jakers tried it again and got confrontational. Which he was being. To prove the authenticity of the device I scanned Ziggy's paw. He was feeling whimsical. Jakers had one more go and the app told him he was feeling brittle. That's how one can sometimes feel after being confrontational.

Well, 2014 was an interesting year. I had a lot of fun, climbing trees and making music with Gus, and finding the world's tiniest frog (maybe if I'd have kissed it it would have turned into my very own little prince). I had some sadness letting go of people who no longer served me and that seemed to be the strongest message of all for 2014. But, I also learned how to work on the relationships that I know are important and I met some kindred spirits last year who I'm going to get to know a whole lot better this year.

I also watched my wee pup grow up into a young dog. For every bad habit he let go of he picked up a new one and I have learnt that Ziggy is just a tiny dog with one hell of an attitude. Last week he rolled over for Jakers. Now he rolls over for me too. The trick he always refused to do even though he knew how. He grows softer in his old age and he likes to be close to me. I don't need to kiss the world's tiniest frog cos I've got my own little prince right here.



Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Christmas Has Started

So that's all the work finished for Christmas. All the school work and all the work work (which has been horrendous) and I am back home from my last shift just sitting here going "phew!". I'll have a snooze in a bit because I'm going out tonight for our work xmas dinner. This time last year kinda passed by in a blur. We have decided this year to not have our christmas dinner in the treehouse. Really, it was a lot of hassle bringing all the food and plates up and we didn't light the fire in time for it to be properly cosy and, well, my heart was broken and chicken and stuffing were not going to mend it. That was last year though and this year my heart is beating strong.

All the coursework was very tiresome. I love my course and I love learning and I love writing. I just hate doing it when I know I have to do it and when I have to do it in a certain timeframe. I'm not sure that will ever change. Maybe when I'm 70. We had a lovely last day of class eating party food and doing secret santa. I'm happy that I've got another few years with this crew. My coping strategy at work this past week has been to laugh as much as possible.

I was mostly organised with christmas presents this year. Mostly, I don't think I've ever got it perfect. There's always presents lying around in the springtime. I have some wrapping to do tomorrow. I hope I'm not too hungover. Ziggy is out at his granny's. He has been a little cantankerous of late and barking at people in the street. I'm not sure what's ailing him but I hope he winds his neck in. A cross, yappy little dog is not what I want. I miss my happy, friendly little puppy! I think he might be a bit fed up with the pishy, rainy weather. Well, I guess it's nap time for me :)

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

For Tomorrow

Aha! Some dude (John Perry) has written a book on the Art of Procrastination! I knew there was a purpose to it. My mate told me he had borrowed a book from the library about proccrastination and how to overcome it. Of course, he hasn't read it yet. I don't know what Perry says about it but I am coming up with my own theory that centres around me not feeling bad for not doing the things I'm supposed to be doing. It goes like this: Procrastination is a modern day concept born out of the illusion of time. The notion of 'time' has changed since man was a more simple being. Time was told by the sun and the seasons. Now time is told by numbers (grrr...numbers!) Cavemen did not procrastinate. They did not put off hunting because they were too busy scratching their bums. So, if procrastination is a symptom of modern day society, it is nothing more than a social construct, in which case, it can be deconstructed (Yeah! We're gonna break that bitch down!) Procrastination is just another word we use to make ourselves feel bad. The word itself comes from the Latin pro meaning 'forward' and crastinus meaning 'of tomorrow' so to put another spin on that, it means putting something off 'til tomorrow and that's a good thing because that means you have faith that tomorrow will come.

I think it's good to take the pressure off and go with the flow and believe that things will happen when they're meant to happen. My tutor last year always used to say "trust the process" and "don't force anything". Why we battle with ourselves internally is a mystery. Always believing we should be doing this, that or the other instead of just doing what we want to do. And sometimes we want to build virtual cities and breed virtual fish and then blog about the whole exciting experience.

Is it obvious that I'm putting off doing my final piece of coursework? I did feel it was very important to write this blog. And play guitar. And drink some wine.