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Monday, October 09, 2017

Feeling Emojional

First ever post from my phone...😆 I'm not sure if emojis will work but I doubt it would be the end of the world if they don't.

I have been a lazy blogger this year. But, well, life got in the way. In a good way. On Friday I took Ziggy, Judy and Jess to climb Slemish. It was Ziggy's first time climbing a mountain. He did well keeping up with Judy and Jess but he paid for it the next day and was so exhausted he lay in bed until 4 pm. I paid for it too as I slipped on the way down and landed on my very bony back. This was after thinking about people who were always falling and hurting themselves and scoffing at how silly they were. I am now one of those people. As it turns out my bones are rather solid and there has been no real pain except when I press the bruise. Which of course I keep doing...

And so...I haven't been writing much because I have only two options and that is to write about the surface shite, which I hate, or delve into the tapestry of my emotions, which I'm just not ready to yet. Perhaps I can tell my story through emojis...😢😢..😑😕😟...📚🎸...👦🍕👧...💑...😌😋😊...somehow I think my story is gonna get lost in translation!

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Thrice Salted Ricotta

I've been going with the Flo (my car) for three weeks now and it still doesn't feel 100 per cent real. That I am a driver. That drives. Tomorrow night the GCDC's will perform a few tunes at Uncle T's open mic night. I won't start getting the jitters until a few hours before playing. But then, when I think of what I've accomplished since the last open mic night (my degree, driving test, not dying from a stress related illness) I reckon I can handle this one.

Yesterday I sampled some Scicilian cheese and sweets. Everything was really tasty although the thrice salted ricotta cheese caught me off guard and it seemed like my tongue had shrivelled up inside itself. Wine and water helped with coaxing my tongue back into shape. And...well...it was an experience :)

Today was meant to be a productive day. The plan was to fill in an application so I can work towards my accreditation. I completed the easy bits like my name and D.O.B. and, as usual, left the difficult bits (phone numbers and addresses of references) for another day. I also planned to print off a form so I can request my career break. I downloaded it so it's ready to print for another day. Because, today is not a 'doing' day, it's a 'being' day. It's a 'lying in front of a warm fire and resting the mind, body and spirit day'.

Monday, September 11, 2017

A Strange Encounter

I am a prolific writer. I'm not saying I'm a good writer but I am prolific. And, as such, sometimes I have to go through all my notebooks and rip out the pages that don't resonate with me. I was doing just this yesterday when I found a little memory from Thailand. Something that I would never have remembered had I not written it down:

Last night I was queuing up in 7/11 with a handful of snacks. A guy behind me started talking in what little English he knew. He asked me the basics like what my name was, where I was from. Then he told me in Thai that he would pay for my stuff. I tried to refuse but Thai people are very persistent. He told me was a policeman and I must've looked like I didn't beleive him because he then pointed to his hip and showed me his gun. I let him pay for my stuff and he asked me where I was going. I told him I had to meet a friend at the nightclub and he insisted on giving me a lift in his car even though the club was literally across the street. When I got into the car his girlfriend was there. I asked her what her name was in Thai and she was very sweet. They dropped me off and then waited for a couple of minutes before driving off.

A lot of strange things happened in Thailand but that one was up there along with the crazy ordeal of getting passport photos taken.

Friday, September 08, 2017

The Spider Mafia

I may have been able to talk the spider out of leaving my room but the next morning his two big brothers were waiting for me down in the kitchen. And then his daddy was in my room a few nights ago. So...yeah...the spiders can do what they want.
I was driving for one full week before I got my first parking ticket. I think I am dedicating so many brain cells to driving that it's making me forgetful. This is the downside to being, pretty much, a pensioner before I passed my test.

It's September already. This year had gone by in a flash but it has been a good year for me. I've completed my degree, passed my driving test, had a trip away with the Lovely Mels, bought myself the Box of Glory to progress with music making and...I've even found someone who is gentle and passionate to enjoy my free time with, someone who fills my jar with light. Perhaps both age and experience have taught me to not take anything for granted anymore, least of all happiness, just enjoy it when it's there and, when it's not, try to remember that it will come round again.

Right now, I'm wondering...what would happen if every single person in the world felt joy and happiness in their hearts at exactly the same moment in time? Would the universe shit itself?

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Spider Whispering

I've just had a very grown up conversation with a spider and asked it very nicely to leave my room and then blew on it so it knew which direction the door was. It made a bit of a detour but it left willingly in the end. But...even more exciting (and scary) than that. Mum and Bert are away to get me my first car. I should be going too but I'm a little bit terrified. It's a big commitment and, in many ways, I still feel like I'm 9 years old.

But...I have to be brave. Like when talking to the spider. And I have to be thankful that I'm in this position. And I know that, depsite being nervous, I am excited about all the potential adventures in store. Perhaps the next post might have a picture or two :)

Saturday, August 19, 2017

Man Made Trees

Ahhh...The Lovely Mels and I spent a few blissful days in Amsterdam. I realised it had been 5 years since I'd been in foreign land and a part of me reawakened. But there was also an awareness, perhaps a mindfulness, about this trip and I felt that I was able to really absorb the finer details. The juxtaposition of lazy, hazy vibes in a city that's buzzing with activity. The character of all the unique, wonky architecture. We made cat friends, dog friends, bird friends and even a little rat friend. I think our favourite was the cat that sat in the window of a cheese shop. Mels and I were amazed that it didn't eat the cheese. Perhaps it was there to make sure the mice stayed away.

We went to the Botanic gardens and discovered many interesting things. There was a desert land, a jungle world and South African plains. It was in the South Africa section that Mel got very excited about a particular tree trunk exclaiming, "Dude! Look how smooth that tree trunk is!". I placed my hand on it and it felt cold. I thought to myself: I don't really like this tree. Then I felt a little guilty for having favourite tree trunks. It wasn't the tree's fault it was made this way. But, something didn't sit right with it all and as I looked up I realised that it wasn't actually a tree trunk but a large metal rod that was part of the structure of the building. I pointed this out to Mels and we laughed at her silliness. It was akin to the "No Hooting" sign on our road trip.

Ziggy was a little sad when I was away but I've been off all week and he has come everywhere with me. Yesterday I bought him a new collar. He's a proud little man. Later on we are going to see Gus to do some music. I have purchased a digital 8-track recorder and we have been having fun with it. Ziggy helped me to lay down my first track. His bark sounds mega with the reverb turned up. I'm gonna get him to do some more backing vocals for me.

Wednesday, August 02, 2017

Thunderstruck

I was preparing myself for the end of my degree to feel a little hollow. When you devote so much time and energy to something that comes to fruition there is a great sense of relief and another sense of...so what now? I expected to feel a little bored, empty and restless but I haven't had time to. My life is busy and full. Mostly with good things. Stress and worry are never too far away. I am happy but that doesn't mean the whole world is. And, as always, I feel a huge responsibility to fix things. This is an ongoing challenge for me...I am not responsible for the whole world. Having said that...it's what drives me. It's where my passion is directed. I have so much to express I feel like I really need to go live in that hedgerow in Connemara. I feel like I need to sit in a darkened room, listening to music, dancing, writing, singing and cultivating something that can help me to connect.

There has been several thunder storms in a space of a week. It feels like we're on the cusp of something. I witness that thunder in a lot of people. I sense that it's been bubbling away under the surface for a long time and it's ready to explode. Feelings are spilling out and it's not a bad thing but rather, a very necessary thing. It's making room for the sun to shine.

I'm cultivating hope. I'm practicing my self-love. I feel that everything's so fragile but I can keep this fire in soul burning if I rememeber who I am, who I truly am. All those tests I passed, they were hard, but the hardest test of all is taking off the mask, deconstructing the defenses and keeping my heart open just enough to let the light in without drowning in the darkness. And, as always, I'm ready.