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Wednesday, May 03, 2017

Nearly There

I thought I might squeeze out a few words as I drink my coffee and wait for an appointment with my supervisor. How chuffed was I to realise that my last post received comments. Because, as much as I am happy to write for the sake of writing, everything I do in life is geared towards truly connecting with others. Despite my social outcast tendencies.

I was shit out of hope last week. My resources were depleted. I cried a lot. Those tears washed away a lot of sadness and frustration. They made room for some fresh hope. Just in time for the last couple of weeks of academic testing. As my mum read recently, it's not what we achieve in life but the obstacles we overcome to get there. I realised that I was carrying a lot of residual stress from my three years of crazy flatmate shenanigans. The crying helped with that. Also allowing myself to be pissed off and unhappy for a day or two. Once upon a time I believed that I could control my negative emotions but by letting go of the need for control I can allow the emotions to flow through me without getting 'stuck'. Who needs that shit poisioning their system? Absolutely, definitely not me.

My new TV show obsession is called How I Met Your Mother. It is a comedy about a bunch of 30 somethings who are caught between wanting something meaningful in life and the fear of letting go of their youth. One of the female characters hangs out with not one, but two of her ex boyfriends. She then dates her therapist who points out the incestuous dynamics of their group. You can kinda see why it interests me. But mostly, it is bubblegum for the eyes which is what I need to calm the everticking cogs of my brain.