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Thursday, April 30, 2009

Chocolate Digstives Never Tasted So Good.

What a lovely week off I've been having. The only bad thing is that it seems to be going too quick. Dirt Bird got here late on Monday night. On Tuesday it was her sisiter's birthday so we picked her up and took her for lunch at the Thatch Inn in Broughshane. We then tok a lovely walk along the river and basked in the sun. In the evening Dirt Bird and I met Nelly at Lidl to do a bit of shopping. While we were waiting for Nelly I saw a lady struggling with her groceries. She couldn't get the box in her car so I offered to help her. When her trolley made a run for it Dirt Bird was on hand to rescue it. The lady was very thankful for the help.

Then when Dirt Bird was looking for a pound to put into a trolley a different lady approached with a trolley. I said to Dirt Bird that she should give the woman her pound and take her trolley to save her putting it back. The old lady gave us the trolley and took the pound. She scarpered pretty quickly. When we were finished with the trolley I noticed it didn't have a pound in it. How raging was I that this lady, elderly lady, had stroked us of a pound.

It was Dr. Death who managed to help me see the funny side of it by saying that the old lady would be dipping her chocolate digestives into her tea that night, giggling about how she'd stroked them 2 dolls at Lidl good and proper.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

The Holiday Dance

Well, birthday celebrations on Saturday night were very good. The party was pretty much like any party we have here; The Wee Manny (aka Sir Drink Alot) was in bed by 8, guests stood while the dogs lay on the seats, Nelly's CD's got abused, people boked in the toilet, food was scranned, drinks were spilled, geetar playing was attempted and people were saying good morning to people who were saying good night. All in all a typical shindig at chez Nellybert's. I didn't feel normal again until Tuesday.

I've got another party to attend this weekend. A Mad Hatter's party. I was gonna wear Bert's leather hat but it's gone missing since Saturday night so I might have to settle for a top hat. I'm pretty sure it'll be another all-nighter but I'm OFF on HOLIDAY for 1 WHOLE week!! If you could see me now, I'm waving my hand in the air like the audeince used to do on the Gladiators and whooping like a loon in the night. I haven't had a full week off work since I started in November, in fact, I've hardly had a full weekend off since I started. How bliss it will be. Obviously it will rain all week because this week's been glorious and everyone knows that if it doesn't rain for a week in Ireland the whole island will be swallowed up by the sea. The rain keeps it floating or something. I don't even care if it rains I will just be so happy to not be working. Also, the bestest, prettiest, sweetest DirtBird will be here and we have adventures to pursue...and Bert's hat to find.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Special Agent 0027

Today was my Dog Day. I turned 27. This is the age that many rockstars die; Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison to name a few. I went to work, went for a drink, came home, ate dinner, watched Coronation Street, hung out with Pearlie and we talked about whether or not my cold sore had healed yet. Very rock 'n' roll. But even if I don't die before my 28th birthday I still want to go to Hell. For one, it's warm there, and two, I heard there was a shortage of chairs in Heaven. Is it any wonder? All you have to do is repent and they let you in.

I know this sounds like just the sort of thing an old person would say but isn't it amazing how quickly the years just roll by? This is where I don't trust time, years fly by but at work the seconds drag forever. There's no point worrying about getting old though. I can see many advantages of aging; wisdom, OAP discount, the right to be grumpy, afternoon naps.

I've been thinking lately that I'd probably make a good spy. I'm very discreet and cunning. If anyone needs a spy just leave me a comment and tell me my mission. I'll take payment in kind, not that kind of kind, but I'd take payment in sweets, whiskey or tobacco.

Monday, April 06, 2009

Wrong Change

On Friday I accidentally didn't give a lady in my shop her £20 back. It was an honest mistake. I took her 20 and asked if she had anything smaller. She said she hadn't then found a tenner. Sh gave me that, I gave her her change but for got to give her the other 2o back. I only realised after she'd left and even then I couldn't be sure. I told my boss and when he checked the till it was £20 over. Whoops! We put it in an envelope in the safe and I hoped the lady would come back. I felt really bad about it.

I told mum this on the way home from work. We called in at the garage where I was chatting away to Young Haze about the new light Golden Virginia and when he gave me change of a £20 back I told him that I'd only given him a tenner. So there was 2 chances I had in one day to have money that wasn't mine. But I honestly blieve that getting money like that wouldn't bring any happiness. I was feeling lucky though so I did put a bet on the Grand National. I lost! But then so did a lot of people.

Today I was buying coffee. Again I was given the change of a twenty when I'd only paid with a tenner. I told the lady that was twice in one week that had happened to me. It's funny how during a time of economic recession people are so careless about money. I wonder who the God of Wealth is and why he can't place money in front of me in the form of a new, better paid job.

Anyway, here's how Karma works. I didn't take money that wasn't mine because that's not the way I want to have money. I know many people wouldn't care. Money is money. On Saturday my mate from work got me to climb through the window of her cousin's flat to let her in. She needed the toilet and he wasn't in. Of course I was slightly inebriated which is why I thought nothing of climbing in through the window of someone's flat when they weren't there. All was well until a few hours later I got s call from my mate telling me that I'd left my bankcard at her cousin's house. Only I would be stupid enough to break into someone's house and leave them stuff rather than take anything. I got my card back though. Perhaps if I had taken the change that wasn't mine I wouldn't have got it back. Who knows but I like to think that what goes around comes around and if you try to do positive it will come back to you.