Dear Auntie Hannah and Uncle Jamie,
Please can I come and live with you? It's not that I don't love Nelly and Bert, I do, I really do. It's that big lump of a dog Paddy. I just can't abide him anymore. He's so big and stupid and clumsy.
The only reason I ever started scunging was to get away from him but didn't the big lump just follow me. It's that nose of his. I'll gie him credit for that at least, he's a good sniffer dog. But that's besides the point. He's so stupid he's sure to get us shot one day.
So please Auntie Hannah can I come live with you. I'll miss Nelly and Bert but sure I don't ever get a chance to cuddle them anymore since Paddy came along. He's that overbearing and spoilt. He gets so jealous when anybody shows me any attention. People often think they're petting me but when they look down they see it's Paddy. It's because he pushes me out of the way.
Also, he has no concept of a good game. When you and Uncle Jamie try to play with me Paddy just comes along and spoils it. The only game he knows how to play is tugger and my teeth are too old and crumbly to play that now.
So please, please, please can I come and live in the town with you. I promise I'll be good and i'll guard your computer and saxophone and Uncle Jamie's trumpet. I promise I'll be good when that wee brat Gracie comes to visit. And I promise I'll never ever go scunging again.
Your's Loyally,
Rosie
P.S. I don't just want to live with you because Uncle Jamie has all them dog treats, I swear.
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