Forget The Chocolate It's All About The Toffee Fudge

I was just doing a bit of ice cream research because it's an important part of my....um....life. I've just got lost in the Ben and Jerry's website for about an hour. They even have a graveyard for all the flavours of ice cream they no longer produce. Also, I was surprised at their list of Top Ten Flavours. I would've thought something a bit more exciting than Cherry Garcia would have made it to the No. 1 spot.

Then I took a visit over at the Haagen Dazs website. This is the ice cream for the more mature, sophisticated ice cream scoffer. While I like a bit of Haagen Dazs I find there ice cream just ain't indulgent enough.

I couldn't find any Thorntons ice cream flavours online, which is a shame because one of the nicest ice creams I've ever had was a Thornton's toffee fudge flavour. I did find a cupcake that looked like a little bit of heaven on a plate though. Here she is. Excuse me while I mop the drool from my mouth.

'Ok' To Make Money Out Of Dying Celebs?

I can't get over the hype surrounding Jade Goody. It just seems wrong that the media are cashing in on her death. To be fair, I haven't been reading gossip mags for ages so I don't really know what's being said or by whom but I do know that everywhere I look, TV, papers, magazines, Jade Goody's face is plastered all over the place. All of a sudden her on/off boyfriend, who is a lying, cheating, talentless, toerag, wants to marry her. Quelle surprise.

I just find it all very strange. It's almost like there's a countdown to her death. And this is not just any old celebrity, like Sienna Miller or Robbie Williams, this is Jade Goody, the girl who we hated, loved, felt sorry for, laughed at, mocked, ridiculed, the girl who was stupid, loveable, annoying, bitchy and, once voted, 'mother of the year' This is a girl who became famous for nothing and clung onto every ounce of publicity she could ever get. Although she didn't win Big Brother she has famously done better than any other Big Brother contender. Most people have, at some point over the past five years, formed some kind of opinion of Ms Goody, whether good or bad. There's no denying that she's a pretty famous chick (in the humble old British Isles, of course) but I still don't understand how someone can put themselevs in the public arena when they're dying. Maybe I'm just old fashioned.

On totally unrelated note, since I've given up chocolate for Lent I've been perusing the internet for tasty chocolate-free treats. I should've known better than to look at Z's 'Greed' set on Flickr. And I really should've known better than to look at this photo of Z's white chocolate, banana and cranberry muffins. I remember them well. I helped make them. Got me thinking though. Would it be a cop-out if I only gave up brown chocolate for Lent?

Happy Hannah/ Hairy Head Hannah

Whilst flicking through my sister's Flickr I came across a couple of photos of myself. In the first one you'll notice an air of happiness about me. In the second one, however, I look distinctly displeased. In both photos I am wearing the exact same coat and hat. But the first photo was taken on 14th September 2007 and the second one was taken in January 2008. No wonder I look pissed off. I'd been wearing the same hat and coat for well over a year. Also, there are clealry no sweets in the second pic.

Talking of sweets. I do plan to give up chocolate for Lent. Not because I'm profoundly religious but just to see if I can exercise any sort of willpower atall. I'm not giving up sweets though. Or biscuits, or any of mum's home-baking. Why would I torture myself?

Oh, and another thing, I saw this job advertised and reckon it'd be perfect for me.

I Wanted To Be A Mango

I wasn't gonna bother posting this but I guess I am Hannah Banana fer sure.

You Are a Banana

You are mellow, easy going, and a total softie on the inside. People find it really easy to get along with you. You suit most tastes. And while you're very sweet, you're not boring or ordinary. You have an attraction to the exotic, and you could show up anywhere... doing almost anything! You are spirited, energetic, and a total kick to be around. You're also quite funny. Your sense of humor is on the goofy side, and it fits you well.

What Type of Fruit Are You?

Paddy Posts Again

Paddy got so excited about the newly installed wi-fi that he insisted on doing a guest post. He does so little these days, how could I refuse him. This is what Paddy's got to say for himself:


I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever live a peaceful life. I try so hard to get my recommended 22 hours sleep a day but everyone's so demanding of me. When the Bitcher (God rest her scunge-dog soul) was alive she'd have me out all hours scunging the country. I quit all that nonsense though. Was a bit worried I'd get lost on my own and never come home again. Or get my head stuck in a bucket.

But, y'see, in this house as soon as one animal passes away they seem to think there's room for another and take in any oul' stray. Like that fecking ginger hoor-cat. If it's not harassing Hannah to the point where she's screaming blue murder at it, it's harassing the Good Cat (formerly known as Holly). There's no crueler sound to the dog's sensitive ear than the wailing of an irate woman and an upset she-cat. Maybe the clarinet.

So what with Bonnie Dog's constant blethering on about what a good time she had at the Mourne Mountains with Moms and Dawds, Hannah's scrawking at the ginger hoor-cat from Hell and Bert's incessant peep-peeping on the clarinet, how is a dog ever meant to get his 22 hours sleep a day?

P


Poor Paddy Dog. I think he just needed to get that off his chest.

The Creepy Teddy

When I started work on Friday I was carrying a box of jeans to the other store round the corner. By the time I'd made it to the other shop wee Prawn came round and told me I was to ring Horatio (my assistant manager's preferred title). I called him and he asked if I'd seen the guy as I was leaving.

"Naw, what guy?" I asked

Horatio described him (apparently he looked crusty) then told me that just as I'd left he'd come up to the till and asked about me. He asked if I was still working in this shop or working in another. Horatio told him I worked here. Then the guy said: Don't tell her I was asking about her.

Horatio thought he seemed kind of unsavoury and told me I was to phone him if he came into the shop round the corner. When the big store manager found out the next day she berated Horatio for leaving me around there on my own.

Anyway, I thought nothing more about 'til I was back in work on Monday and Prawn and Horatio showed me a Valentine's teddy that had come through the post on Saturday. They reckoned it was for me from the guy who was asking about me. I told them not to be silly but when I looked at the label it made me suffer a terrible flashback. It read: To Gorgus* From Good Lookin' Look after Sexy the bear.

I chatted to some goon at the pub a couple of times and when I asked him his name (out of politness not a desire to actually know) he told me it was Mc GoodLookin'. He was a funny wee cratur and so I humored him. Shortly after I started working in my shop I seen him in it one day so I called out to him "Alright McGoodLookin'?" We made polite chit chat and that was that. I haven't seen him since well before Christmas.

I don't know anything for sure but I'm getting teased in work for having a stalker. That teddy could've been for any of the girls but I'm still left wondering who was asking about me on Friday. If I wanted a stalker though I'd have gone back to Thailand.

*His mispelling not mine

Today Is Brought To You By The Letter...

The broken down barman has kindly given me a letter so I can join in the "Today is brought to you by the letter..." game. This is the kind of thing that's keeps me amused for hours. I've been given the letter 'f' so I have to post 10 things that begin with the letter 'f' that I love.

1. Floating - not that I've ever properly floated like a witch but I love the idea of it. Or my head floating off my shoulders.

2. Fun and Frolics - especially in the sun. I love playing at the park, climbing trees, obstacle courses.

3. Feasts - of drink or chocolate or anything tasty.

4. Fish Face Freddy - he is somewhat irritating but he's so sweet the way he cuddles into you and purrs.

5. Friends and family - Should be at the top of the list because they are the whole reason for being alive.

6. Fristi's - a delicious fruit flavoured milk drink you get in Holland but that, strangely, comes in a can.

7. Foreign lands - wherever in the world. If you've never been there before it's an adventure.

8. Fifteens - as in the buns, 15 digestive biscuits, 15 marshmallows, 15 cherries....hmmm.

9. Fires - they're warm and pretty to look at.

10. Fluffy things - I'm a sucker for cute, fluffy animals and sweet boys.


Nelly, Mels, Ed.....I'll be disappointed in you all if you don't ask for a letter! Maybe I'll let Ed off with it as it is perfect flying weather today.

Some Colour In My Cheeks

A couple of year's ago I got a single red rose from God. It wasn't Valentine's or my birthday or anything but God's a bit of a card like that, he doesn't wait for the days that society dictates romance. But a rose from God's a rose from God. He gives them to all the girls. And it's much better getting a single red rose from someone you actually fancy. It's especially nice when they go to the bother of hand delivering it themselves (God could never be arsed and just got Angels to do the delivering).

It was very sweet of Jakers to come into my work with a rose for me. My cheeks turned the same colour as the rose and all the other girls were livid with their boys for not doing the same. Smug? Me? Never!

The Queen Of Sweets

Dirt Bird sent me a text message a while back. It read:

IF YOU'RE AT THE PUB TONIGHT GET A SLOE GIN AND LEMONADE AND TELL ME WHAT SWEETIE YOU THINK IT TASTES LIKE.

I sent her one back saying:

DIDN'T GET A CHANCE TO TRY THAT DRINK BUT I RECKON IT WOULD TASTE LIKE REFRESHERS.

Dirt Bird replied:

OH MY GOD! YOU REALLY ARE THE QUEEN OF SWEETS! THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT IT TASTES LIKE.

Yes, The Queen Of Sweets. Everyone's got their niche. Mine's sweets. I once wrote a letter to Mr. Cadbury asking whatever happened to Secret chocolate bars. Imagine my excitement when I actually got a reply in the post! It said, "Thankyou for your recent enquiry about Secret chocolate bars but Cadbury did not manufacture them, it was, in fact, Nestle Rowntree".

I wrote a letter to Nestle too hoping I'd wangle a recipe out of them but they wouldn't share. McGroggan's of Ballymena are just as greedy with their fudge and ice-cream recipes. I need me a job in the sweet industry, either as manufacturer or as a sweet tester (if it doesn't pass the Hannah seal of approval it just ain't good enough).

I'm sure everyone's bored of skittles, chewits and jelly tots and their boring strawberry, orange and lemon flavours. Imagine sweets with flavours like mango, kiwi, watermelon, gooseberry, loganberry, snozzleberry, lychee and peach. Hmmmm....Willy Wonka don't know shit about shit.

Happy Birthday Pearlie

Bert, Pearlie and Hannah
Originally uploaded by NellyMoser

It was Pearlie's birthday on Tuesday. She was suitably chuffed with her flowers and cards. She especially liked the card from me as I'd practically wrote an essay in it (she told me once she hated cards that said To Blah From Blah and nothing else).

This is my favourite photo of oul' Pearlie Blue. 'Tis a rare one where she actually looks happy. I look so happy because I'm clutching onto Bert's bottle of Glenfiddich Whiskey. I love Bert's "I'm such a doting son pose". You'd never think this was the same man who told his ma to move her silly oul' heid ( old head) when he was fixing her pillows. Pearlie's come-back was that if Bert maybe lived to be as old as her he might have a silly oul' heid too. I told her Bert already has one of those.

Blog Lazy

This is the height of blog laziness. I was tagged on Facebook by a couple of people to disclose 25 facts about myself. Since I can't think of anything better to write about at the minute I'm gonna copy and paste it.

Edit

About Me 7:14pm

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you*. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.

1. Snap is my favourite card game.

2. Unlike most people I quite like a suffocating heat.

3. I love colouring in.

4. I wish I was left-handed.

5. Dancing makes me feel alive.

6. I'm addicted to malt.

7. The first album I ever owned was Vic Reeves 'I Will Cure You'

8. I wish I didn't have E.T. fingers.

9. Even though it was dumb, I don't regret the basketball incident.

10. I find doing jigsaws therapeutic.

11. I should wear glasses but I forget that I'm blind.

12. If you can make me laugh I'll think you're awesome.

13. I clap my hands when I'm excited.

14. I taught myself to juggle with oranges.

15. I want to be a carpenter. Either that or a pole-dancer.

16. If you're ever in my heart you'll always have a place there.

17. My least favourite day is a Tuesday.

18. I believe there should be more treasure hunts.

19. Looking up at really tall buidings makes me feel sick.

20. I am maths phobic.

21. I'm like a border collie, I need lots of physical and mental stimulation or I get a bit demented.

22. I'm more oral than anal.

23.It took me a loooong time to figure out how to do this.

24. I am morbidly feared of the cold.

25. I count my lucky stars at least once a day.


* Typically, I forgot to tag the people who tagged me.