The Malteaster Bunny

I'm not sure how I came to be addicted to malt but it's definitely one of my stranger vices. But, oh, how I share the joy that malt can bring! In Thailand it was all about the Milo. Here at home it's all about the malteasers and Whiskey. I'm sure when I'm an old lady I will ahoot and aholler for gallons of horlicks.

Easter isn't exactly around the corner but in the Land of Confectionary (my favourite place), the eggs and chocolate bunnies are rearing their pretty little heads. I feel it is my duty to inform you of the delights of the Malteaster Chocolate Bunny. I have already converted the girls at work, Bert and DogStar. If you haven't already tried one, go now, go before I eat them all. Because I will.

I need a new alcoholic beverage to drink. Jameson's will always be my No. 1 but I'm getting bored of the kind of drunk I get from it. I want to experience new levels of drunkeness. Not quite to the extent of someone like the Wee Manny (or Sir Drink A Lot as he is otherwise known) but I feel that in these cold winter months I need a drink that will lift my spirits better.

I might try the A - Z of shots this weekend.

A - Absinthe: probably not the best shot to start off with but sure what the hey?
B - Bailey's: Probably not the best shot to take after Absinthe but all good fun.
C - Cognac: It's gonna taste rank after the yummy Bailey's but what can ye do?
D - Drambuie: Never had this before so I can't comment but I'll probably have a nice glow about me after this one.
E - Eggnog: Might have to skip this one.
F - Framboise: A nice French strawberry flavoured licqueur to take a way the taste of the Drambuie.
G - Gin: Makes you sin.
H - Hennessey: By this time I should be feeling well oiled.
I - I'll be too drunk to think of a shot that begins with I so I might have another go at A.
J - Jagermeister: Ideally as a J-Bomb with a Redbull too. Helps it go down better.
K - Kool Aid Shot: Simply mix your favourite flavour of Kool Aid with any spirit.
L - Long Island Ice Tea: I'm struggling for drinks here.
M - Malt Whiskey: My two favourite things.
N - Nalt Whiskey: Exactly the same as the previous.
O - I should probably skip 'O' or I'll be blocked.
P - Pernod: Probably my mouth will be numb by this stage so I won't have to taste the acrid aniseed.
Q - Quagmire: Apparently there is a drink by this name. I don't know what it is but I want one.
R - Rum: A dark one, natch.
S - Sang Som: My favourite Thai beverage. I'll have to import some though.
T - Tequila: The night starts to get interesting.
U - Uzo: Is where I lose consciousness.
V - Vodka: Is where I regain consciousness and start a fight with my reflection in the mirror.
W - Whiskey: Makes everything better.
X - Marks the spot - where I pass out.
Z - zzzzzz is what I'll be doing when I've completed the A-Z of shots.

This Time Last Year

An idea shamelessly stolen from Nelly (who probably shamelessly stole it from someone else).


This time last year I was fretting about my hair. Funnily enough I need a haircut now so no change there really. A year ago today my mind was still fairly innocent before them truckers corrupted me. I still had the faint markings of a Thailand Tan as opposed to ghost white skin.

But this time two years ago...

I was overly concerned about Leap Year babies and when they celebrate their birthdays, sorting out my provisional licence and buying HGV theory test books, watching Neighbours clips 'til I was physically ill and, like I do every January, eagerly awaiting Spring, longer days, warmer weather and good times.

Forward Planning Is The 1st Rule To Happiness

The second rule is not telling anyone but what the hell. With the current financial climate it's hard to feel secure in your job. Luckily I have a few back-up plans:

1. Hot Water Bottle Head Hannah's Hot Air Balloon Rides - Ok, so there's the small problem of buying a hot air balloon, getting my pilot licence and convincing people that taking a ride through the misty clouds of Norn Iron is an excellent idea.

2. Bert and Hannah's Wonderful Wooden Toys Inc. - Bert makes the toys, I promote them. This could be good with the credit crunch going on. Next Christmas kids will be overjoyed with their wooden bricks and cup and balls instead of their Nintendo Wii's and Xboxes. For sure!

3. Scabby Bird's Escort Agency - Men won't be able to afford expensive escorts. Oh no! Perfect time to promote the budget escort. I have several laydees who are perfectly willing to offer their services. Call 0800 696 696.



On a totally unrelated note regarding my lost phone: Salt Face, when someone asks for your number because they've lost their phone, it does not help if you send your number to the phone they have lost!!! Of course, I'd never have known if I hadn't got my phone back but, really, doh!

The Adventures Of Hannah's Phone

The reason I didn't send anyone any New Year greetings via text was because I lost my phone. Or rather, my phone was accidentally taken from my house. I say accidentally but who knows? A girl had the same phone as me. This girl and her fella thought that someone else at my house had called her a dog. Technically they had but it wasn't meant to offend. Anyway, this lass went home with my phone. I thought she might call my home number and get it back to me but she didn't.

A week and a half later, after I'd given up and bought a new phone, a girl in work told me she'd forgotten I'd lost my phone, called it and it was ringing. I called it and it was ringing but no answer. So if my phone was on it meant someone had charged it and was using it. I sent a text message saying: I think you accidentally took my phone with you on New Year but you can contact me on this no. and we can arrange for me to get it back.

No reply. I tried ringing it again. Switched off. By this point I was raging because I knew they had my phone and were using it. Monday morning in work I got a phone call from a solicitor in Ballymena. She had my phone. She'd called the office number which was my old boss' number and they told her where I worked. She'd found it on the street and went out of her way to get it back to me. She's one type of person. The chick and fella who thought they'd got a free phone out of me are another type.

I got my phone back but they'd deleted all my pictures and deleted a lot of numbers. They'd set it up to how they wanted it to be. None of that really matters though. I don't need the phone now 'cos I got a new one but the main thing is, they don't have it.

A Decommendation

After forcing mum and Bert to watch Tideland and then watching it again with Jakers I have decided it is not the kind of film that should be recommended. It's the kind of film that should be stumbled upon, accidentally. It can only be described as uncomfortable viewing, sugar-coated with exceptional cinematography and superb acting, but uncomfortable viewing all the same. It is a good film, just in a very twisted way. Watch it if you're brave.

Free Gift With Coat

Finally, a story from work that I can actually blog about. For surely that is the whole point of working, non?

A lass I work with, let's call her Alex, picked out a brown coat yesterday that was on sale for £8. She loved it and bought it and was wearing it in the shop when a customer asked her if there were any more. There wasn't.

When Alex took her break she left her coat in the shop. She also left the labels on her new coat so when a customer took it up to the cashdesk wee Prawn sold it, not realising it was Alex's.

How gutted was Alex that her new coat had been sold? Very. How much did we laugh when she told us she'd chewed off all her false nails and put them in the coat pocket? Lots! How funny would it be to see the look on the girl's face when she reaches into the pocket of her brand new coat and discovers someone elses' manky chewed up nails? VERY!!!!!!