Sniper Skunk Story

And now for a wee story about Pepe Le Peu. Pepe got his name because he likes to speak French, he loves the laydees and, one day, he wore a jumper with a black stripe down the back making him resemble a skunk.

I've known Pepe for years but never that well. I knew him from Ballymena but he also went to the same university as me. One night we went back to his to continue after-hours drinking. It was a perfectly civilised night where we bantered about nothing in particular. That was until it got to about 2 O'Clock and Pepe started to get overexcited.

We were talking about the 'troubles' in Norn Iron. He'd lived in Belfast and liked to talk about knee-cappings and such like. I don't. The conversation grew rather serious. I can't remember exactly as I was a tad inebriated but at some point Pepe started to tell me that he had been employed as a sniper. Now really alarm bells should've been ringing for me but I'm a gullible little thing and see no reason why people would lie about such things.

Anyway, it was his words I shot people for money as he remorsefully put his head in his hands that made me stop and say What The Fuck! At which point Pepe looked at me and said What? I reminded him that he'd just told me he'd shot people for money and that was pretty crazy. Pepe denied all knowledge of saying anything of the sort, making me even more concerned. He refused to admit he had just confessed to being a sniper. I didn't like the situation so I left. It wasn't until the next day when I replayed what happened to mutual friends and they laughed their heads off that I realised Pepe had not shot people and that I was the biggest sucker in the world.

I huffed with him for about 6 months after that. We are good friends and he would never dream of saying something like that to me, although he does still have an unhealthy fear of assassination.