Four Baldy Bastards

I like to believe that if I was cut open, rivers of words would flow out rather than rivers of blood. I should probably drink cans of red thesauri, to make sure the words never run out.

No more new songs lately. Except for the Desert Song. Jobe thinks it sounds very like Queens of the Stone Age. I said "Humph...but they never did a desert song" to which Jobe replied "Yes they did. They're from Palm Desert. Their record label did the Desert Sessions!" Well, fuck them anyway. Thinking they own the desert.

We're all pretty pleased with it. I think that's because it's the first song we've really written together. It started off as one of Jobe's many little riffs, Jakers added another guitar, I wrote some words and Tobe figured out the bass line. Jakers is always talking about 'The band'. I am still an advocate of 'music night' as opposed to 'band practice'. Jakers nearly quit and went solo. This is how it is when you're in a band. Us creative types can get very moody lol

I have to maintain my stance on what this was always about. It was, to some degree, about the music. Mostly, it was about friendship and people connecting over something fun and beautiful. If it starts to become all about the music it loses it's charm for me. When everything has to be done right, done to perfection, practiced ad infitum, I stop seeing it as a creative enterprise and more like a job.

I am hopeful it won't get that way. And, if a lucky coincidence occurs and we end up writing more songs this is just an added bonus to something that it is already pretty awesome. And if we do keep writing songs and working well together we might have to change the name of the band. The GCDC's were the name of a band who weren't really a band. They indulged playing songs only in G, C and D because it was easy and fun. Jakers wants me to shave my head so we can call ourselves Four Baldy Bastards.

Ziggy and the GCDC's

There's a lot of adult type stuff in my head at the minute. It's no bad thing. I am an adult after all. It mostly revolves around learning to drive and getting a placement for my course. There's a small bit of worry, just enough to spur me on, but I will not to succumb to big time worrying because I have faith that everything will fall into place.

Spending time with my eldest niece is also forcing me to assume my adult authority. I got away with being easygoing funtime auntie Hannah for quite a number of years. Now I have to say 'no' a lot more and learn to feel ok about that. The only time I really have to put my foot down is when we go to the shops and M sees things that she wants. She hasn't quite grasped the concept of money yet. When I tell her I can't afford it she says "But Hannah, you can just go to the bank machine."

The second time I took her up the town M promised me we wouldn't argue. We did. She wanted a Frozen sticker set. Then she saw a balloon and it nearly broke her heart that I didn't buy it. This is when it became clear to me. She just couldn't help herself. She saw, she wanted. The miracle with children is that they live in the immediate moment. Five minutes later and a small lolly in her mouth and all the day's woes are forgotten.

I had both girls round for a playdate on Saturday. The youngest came up the stairs and said "We're here for a celebrate". We celebrated by bouncing on the bed and playing with small stones. M wanted to go up the town and get stuff. I said no. M said "But Hannah, E's here this time and she'll probably have a tantrum and I will help you with her." I gave her credit for her ability to negotiate but the answer was still no.

The GCDC's is the pretend name of our pretend band. We have accquired a new member and two bass guitars. The instruments are the only thing about our pretend band that isn't pretend. As it turns out, both Gus and Jakers are naturals on the bass guitar. I am selling my saxophone to a guy I know who plays drums in a band. He's a bit of a musical genius so he'll pick the sax up no problem and, when he does, I plan to poach him for the GCDC's. I also know a clarinet player, a tin whistler and a mouth organist. Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros better watch out 'cos there's a new hippie collective in town. And we have a dog!

Sleeping In The Tree House

This morning I had my driving test. I failed. And I knew I had failed but it's ok. I was a little bit disheartened but I never really expected to get it first time anyway. At least I know what to expect now and, really, the most annoying thing about it is having to pay for it again but sure, I'll never go hungry. I might not be able to get the Littlest Hobo t.shirt I want just yet but that can wait!

Besides, the universe had to balance my happiness out in some way because life has been so sweet this past week or so I was getting kinda spoilt with happiness. I went to a party on Saturday night armed with a guitar and half bottle of Jamesons. I met some fantastic people and we laughed the night away and sang songs. Gus came round for music on Tuesday and we actually kinda wrote a song, though the more I play it the more I think that the song might have already been written before. I don't know, it doesn't matter because I'm having such a good time laughing and singing and bouncing ideas off people that everything else is irrelevant. After the party on Saturday night we took a walk through the forest. I noticed a build up of mud by a small stream and I had the urge to poke it with a stick. The mud was harder than I thought, the stick snapped and I fell into the stream.

I slept in the treehouse the weekend before that. Bert informed me that it was the coldest night of the year so far. I lit the stove and some candles and took my sleeping bag up and settled down. The sky was so clear so I went out to the porch to look at the stars. It was brilliant. My body and mind knew that it was sleeping outdoors, amongst the trees. I felt like an Ewok! I woke up around half four shivering in my sleeping bag because the fire had gone out. If I had rammed it full of logs before going to sleep it would have lasted longer but I'll know for next time. It didn't even occur to me that I could just go into the house and go back to sleep. I put on my jeans and coat and got back into my sleeping bag and willed myself to get warm. I fell back asleep, when the sun was coming up and an hour or so later I heard small feet climbing up the stairs. My niece had remembered I was sleeping in the treehouse and come up to tell me that she needed a bowl for her breakfast.

My course starts in a couple of weeks so that'll be another thing to keep me learning and growing. The driving will come eventually. Ziggy will be sailed around the country at his leisure. I will ask him "Where do ya wanna go today Ziggy?" and I'll know just by looking into his eyes, 'cos I'm teaching him that trick. And then I'll pick the camera back up and remember that I have other hobbies as well as music and I'll also remember that I want to find someone to illustrate my book so that I can read it to my nieces when they're still children. It's nice remembering what I want to do with my life :)

Shake It Out

It is very true that, if we want, and if we persist and if we choose to see the silver lining, a positive will arise from every negative situation. Last week when I was feeling down I spent the afternoon walking in the forest with dogs and mum. When I cam home I picked up my guitar and played a song I wrote. Despite the sadness that flowed through my veins I sang as best I could. I then sang it again while recording myself with my camera. Y'see, I can do things like that now because I have a smart phone! I played it back and was heartened that it didn't sound diabolical. Days went by and my mood lifted. Monday came and I was feeling like I needed to give myself a good shake, not for any other reason than we should always give ourselves a good shake once in a while. So I shook myself in to being brave enough to post my video on facebook for all my friends, family, work colleagues and randomers that I picked up on my travels to see.

I do not think I am the most amazing singer in the world. I am alright. I am most certainly not the best guitar player in the world but I wrote that tune. All by myself. And, well, the lyrics are just a real basic poem I wrote years ago but I wrote them for a reason and that reason was to remind myself that I am here to experience as much of life as I possibly can. All that aside, I wrote a song and I was proud of myself and I wanted to encourage other people. So many of us are held back and crippled with fears, worries, insecurities and feelings of inferiority. There are so many people in the world, so much talent, and it is easy to feel jaded that your own slice of talent doesn't cut the mustard. I was glad that I was brave and people were so supportive. And this has encouraged me greatly, to do all the things that I love to do and to share it with as many people as possible.

So Gus (obviously not his real name but, well, I like to give my friends some privacy) has been round for a few practice sessions and I have been chatting to N about collaborating with us too. My dreams of bringing everyone together in some kind of collective creative community are coming to fruition. This makes me SO happy! If I could only get Ziggy to be more creative and less destructive then I would be surrounded by a big bubble of peace.