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Monday, March 24, 2014

The Twits, My Bin And The Coal Shed

About a month ago I realised my bin was missing. When my bin goes missing, or gets moved to strange places, I quite often suspect it has something to do with the Twits who live next door. They are well into their 60's yet they partake in childish antics like leaving empty coke cans and milk containers on the door step. Their feud with me started not long after K moved in and ended, coincidentally, when he left. But I still suspected they had something to do with my missing bin and so I peered over the wall into their backyard. They had two bins and one of them did, in fact, have my number on it. I knew it wasn't my bin though as it was only half the size although I did think it gave me an excuse to knock on their door and quiz them about the whereabouts of my bin. I could see Mr. Twit sitting in his living room watching tv.

Despite knocking on the door and ringing the doorbell I received no answer. I returned to the back of the house and looked over the wall again. I was in luck, Mrs. Twit was sweeping out the coal shed. I shouted out to her,

Hello Mrs. Twit

She shuffled behind the open door of the coal shed. I tried again.

Excuse Mrs. Twit, I was just wondering about my bin

Still no answer. I laughed out loud

Mrs. Twit I know you're there, I can see you

But still she refused to crawl out from behind the coal shed door. I sighed. I waited another few seconds. I hit jackpot. Mr. Twit was on his way out to the backyard, unaware of me sitting on the wall, and shouted out something to Mrs. Twit, who was still hiding and probably would have stayed hiding until dusk. I asked him if he knew anything about my missing bin and I asked him why he had a bin with my door number on it.

Well let me tell you....

And he proceeded to tell me that if he so happened to want to leave two bins, on occasion, the bin men would refuse to lift two bins with the same number. He then went on to tell me that my missing bin had something to do with the foreigners and that they'd been burning bins out down alleyway. He'd, of course, seen this with his own eyes. By this stage Mrs Twit had come out of hiding and continued to sweep the coal shed. Mr. Twit told me it was all to do with...well, then he done this strange gesture with his fingers and his arm and I said,

What? Drugs?

Ssssshhh! Exactly.....great weather we're having

So what was I to do about my missing bin? Take another one Mr. Twit said. He said it was a regular occurrence. So I took someone elses bin and have been feeling guilty ever since.


Nelly said...


Rob Z Tobor said...

I think this will go on for ever as it appears your entire area is one bin short.

But if you put your number on your bin then they may not take the stuff if Mr and Mrs T have put their second bin out with your number on it, so you need to add The Real number *** to it. Life is always more complicated than you think, even with bins.

hootchinhannah said...

And a bin's not cheap. My bin did have the number on it but people round these parts know how to use paint to modify a stolen bin. I'm safe for a week but when the bins go out again it'll be a first comes first served basis.