Words of Advice for Young People

I've never read any of William S. Burroughs' books but I've come across a few different versions of one particular recording and I can't help but laugh at it. It's called 'Words of Advice for Young People' Here's my take on it:



I am sometimes asked if I have any words of advice for young people. Well, here are a few simple admonitions for young and old, man and beast.

Never interfere in a boy and girl fight.

This is true, if you are a man who wants to play the hero and thinks he is 'rescuing' the poor damsel in distress. If you've got a headache because it's been a tough day, and said boy and girl are screaming at each other like psychos, then fair play to ye.


Beware of whores who say they don't want money. The hell they don't. What they mean is that they want *more* money; much more, these are the most expensive whores what can be got.

Ahem.

I'm pretty sure Burroughs is talking about prostitutes here but my take on it is, beware of anyone who says they don't want something. If they really didn't want it they wouldn't need to say they didn't want it.


If, after having been exposed to someone's presence, you feel as if you've lost a quart of plasma, avoid that presence. You need it like you need pernicious anemia.

We don't like to hear the word "vampire" around here; we're trying to improve our public image. Building a kindly, avuncular, benevolent image; "interdependence" is the keyword -- "enlightened interdependence".

Life in all its rich variety, take a little, leave a little. However, by the inexorable logistics of the vampiric process they always take more than they leave -- and why, indeed, should they take any?

I agree with this completely. But unfortunately we don't always have a choice in the matter. We are exposed to all kinds of unsavory types, at work, down the pub, and sometimes even in our own homes. The best thing to do is vent all your frustrations at having to deal with these people, to anyone who will listen, and thus become the "vampire".


Avoid fuck-ups. Fools, I call them. You all know the type -- no matter how good it sounds, everything they have anything to do with turns into a disaster. Trouble for themselves and everyone connected with them. A fool is bad news, and it rubs off -- don't let it rub off on you.

Very true, bad qualities do rub off on people. And dealing with disasters created by other people is always ten times more annoying than dealing with disasters created by yourself.

Do not proffer sympathy to the mentally ill; it is a bottomless pit. Tell them firmly, "I am not paid to listen to this drivel -- you are a terminal fool!" Otherwise, they make you as crazy as they are.

Also very true. If you listen to crazy people too much they do start to make you crazy.

Above all, avoid confirmed criminals. They are a special malignant strain of fool.

I'd agree with this if I had more faith in the criminal justice system, but I don't. And considering William S. Burroughs accidentally shot and killed his wife trying to re-enact the William Tell 'shooting an apple on someone’s head' routine while high on heroin and getting off with it on the grounds that he pleaded insanity, I think my lack of faith is totally understandable