The Accuser's Dog

Oh the abuse Ziggy had to put up with the other night! It was not physical abuse but emotional and it troubled him not in the slightest. I was obviously upset on his behalf but then I was feeling somewhat fragile after being struck down with a boking lurgy. I am seldom sick. This is because my brain is very good at communicating with my stomach and it tells my stomach not to reject food because my throat and mouth don't like the feeing of half digested food travelling down my gullet in the wrong direction. Ziggy was first accused of being stinking (it was, in fact, the accusers dog who was stinking and this was verified by a number of independent invigilators who, willingly, sniffed both dogs). Then he was accused of his anal glands bursting. I'm not sure if this is just a professor's way of saying he'd farted or if the person saying it actually thought his anal glands had burst. The accuser's dog harassed Ziggy all night. Ziggy didn't mind but the accuser did. She thought perhaps, her dog had remembered the time when Ziggy had humped him and was trying to get pay back. I think the dog was just besotted with Ziggy because he's so damn cool. While the accuser's dog was 'rimming' Ziggy (the accuser's words, not mine) she yelled "What's he doing!? Is he trying to eat worms out of Ziggy's bum?"

Ziggy does not have worms. Nor had his anal glands burst and I'd bathed him the night before so he smelt fresh as a daisy. Never mind the fact that all of this was not the appropriate kind of chat for someone with a delicate stomach. The accuser is not a bit wise but humble enough to admit that she was protagonising because she was suffereing from dog envy. Her dog is lovely too. And Ziggy was so tired after his harassing that he lay on my chest with he wee snout buried in my neck.

I'm back to school next week and I can't wait. And every one I know, including myself, seems to be starting the new year feeling hopeful and excited about what lies ahead. I haven't spoken much about matters of the heart lately, and that's because I needed to focus on the silly side of life, but I can feel a stirring in my soul and it seems the universe really is conspiring to help me.