The Emotional Update

So the past few weeks have been nice. The weather's been nice. I had a week off from work, which was nice. it's also been a mixture of activity and relaxing and things changing and staying the same. I guess what i'm trying to say is, it's been life. The past few weeks have been life. I have been contemplating giving up blogging for a variety of reasons. Part of me feels like it has served it's purpose. It's an account of my memories, experiences, love and learning that's been going on for 10 years now and I wonder if it's exhausted. Or if I just feel frustrated because I can't write what my heart wants me to write even though so few people read it. I don't know. I don't know how I feel about it.

What I do know is that I have invested a lot of time and energy into everything in my life, this blog included. I'm not sure I want to give it up just yet. I happened to google something the other day and the only relevant thing that came up was a blog post. I read it and thought to myself, 'Wow, this girl sounds so much like me'. It wasn't until I read another couple of posts that I realised this girl was me. It was a blog I'd started to write years ago when I was so full of frustration about my life and I did not want to taint the Palace with negativity. There were only about 5 or 6 posts in total. Clearly I had decided that I was going to focus on the positives in my life rather than the negatives. But my life was so negative then and I needed that outlet for a short time. I have tainted this blog now but it has been a welcome stain. My broken heart is on the table. I have been armed with a scalpel, for quite some time, dissecting it.

I continue to feel very jaded about the world and my place in it. Everywhere I look people are having babies and I just don't think they even know what babies are. Humans continue to be greedy, selfish, angry and thoughtless. I see no end to it. They are completely unaware of the world around them. They live in their own bubbles that they never want to leave because why would they leave? They have everything they need. Food, drugs to self-medicate, entertainment. But all of these, especially the food, is like what the powers that be use to control their people. Religion is no longer the opium of the masses. It is has been replaced with food, drugs and pop culture.

I also continue to feel hopeful and excited about what the rest of my life has to offer. Fuck everyone else. Let them drudge around this world only half living. I continue to search for my own small piece of happiness and I realise that, while I'm doing that, I have already got my own small piece of happiness. My life is progressing just the way I want it to with nothing holding me back. And as always, no matter what thoughts are going through my head, I continue to be positive towards everyone and try, above all else, to make them smile.