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Friday, July 26, 2013

When Mum Goes Away.....

Bert is my step dad, although I find it hard to see him as that. He was always more like an uncle/annoying big brother. It was Bert who concocted stories of the Squishy Face Tomato Man to keep me out of the attic. I had visions of this guy, wearing pin striped trousers and a check shirt, sitting up in the attic all alone and sad and angry at the world. Normal enough, except that, where his face would have been was an old squishy, pulpy tomato. He still had eyes, though they were bulging, and his lips were red and plump. He did not care for small children.

Bert was also the man who used to threaten me with "See this finger, see this thumb, see this fist, you better run". Of course he never hit me but, if I was being particularly annoying, Bert would merely show me his finger. Bert has a much higher tolerance for children now. In fact, I'd nearly go as far to say, he positively adores his two grandchildren. I think Bert is reliving his childhood through Martha and Evie. Last week when I was reading the Gingerbread Man in the back of the van to Martha, Bert "pretended" to be smoking. Then his friend Scary T rocked up onto the yard at a crucial moment (the fox was helping the gingerbread man cross the river) and Bert ignored him 'til the story was finished.

I don't know how Bert's going to cope when mum goes to Vancouver for 2 weeks. He may forget to eat, wash himself, dress appropriately and never mind the state of the house. I think he will be like a semi wild animal when she returns. She will have to tame him again. He will be a wild beast that can play hauntingly beautiful clarinet. He may move out of the house when it gets too dirty and reside in the tree house. I can see him now, swinging from the trees. The dogs will have ran off to go find some kind of responsible owner. They probably won't go too far, just down the road to Clint's. The cats won't mind. They will find the whole situation very amusing. Don't worry mum, I'll keep an eye on him.

1 comment:

Nelly said...

Droll beyond belief. I 'lol'ed.