Christmas All Over Again

Online shopping's a funny thing for me. It takes me a while to get into but when I do it becomes dangerous. Dad got me a gift voucher and I wanted new music but when it came to it I didn't know what to get. We watched the film Juno on Christmas day and I thought it had a nice wee mellow soundtrack so that was my first purchase. I'd been ranting and raving about Jeff Noon recently so I bought Pollen and Nymphomation. The final thing I got was Tideland. I'd watched this a couple of years ago and, typically, forgot the name of it. I told Kerm one night that it was called Fields Of Corn. It's a Terry Gilliam movie and although it's a bit dark it's extremely captivating. I then proceeded to the checkout to discover that I couldn't pay with my voucher because I'd bought used items. Aw weel...

I paid with my card and continued shopping. Suddenly I was inspired. I got the Black Rebel Motorcycle Club's B.R.M.C. and a weird CD by Jack Johnson and friends called Curious George. I probably should've checked that one first. I also got Death In Vegas' Scorpio Rising. Nice bit of chill out music to soothe the mind. The last thing I got was The Tao of Pooh and The Te of Piglet by Benjamin Hoff. Thanks dad for all my lovely presents!!

Short 'n' Sweet (Like Dirt Bird)

Bert told us yesterday that he was in lighting Pearlie's fire the other day and she ordered him to pass her a pair of her white bloomers. Bert, being the obedient son that he is, dutifully passed the closest pair of Pearlie Pants to hand, flung them at her and got back to his manly buisness of fire-making. When he turned to look at Pearlie again he was surprised to see her brandishing the bloomers on her head. Says he: Whit d'ye have them on yer heid fer? Says she: Ma ears are cold!

So Bert left her to it, warming her ears with a pair of her pants. Forgot all about it 'til the carers came in to tend Pearlie and all he heard was great guffaws coming from her room!

Festive Cheer For My Teeth

Happy Christmas!!! When you get all the stress by you it's actually quite a nice time of year. I got lots of lovely presents from everyone. Amongst my favourites were the hat that Auntie J got me. It's a peaked beanie hat which is even better than a beanie hat because you can wear it in the summer and claim the peak keeps the sun out of your eyes. A hat for all seasons! I also loved the tee shirt Katkins got me and dearest dad sent me some Franz Ferdinand CD's and an amazon gift voucher. New music!!! My eardrums are trembling with delight. Mels spoiled me with Jelly Belly Beans, as did Moms and Auntie D. They must've picked up, somewhere along the line, that I like jelly beans. I think I have enough that I could actually take a bath in them.

Zoe created the best calendar ever, featuring 2 of the finests dog beasts in all this land. Another one of my best presents was from Danny Boy who sent me packets of Pocky, a Thai biscuit snack. I checked out the website which then inspired me to do a bit of sweetie research on the net (is that not what Christmas day is for?). I came across this site. Amazing. Scroll down and check out the crazy sugar delights such as cherry flavoured Bounty, Kit Kat chunky cookie dough flavour, Crunchie Freddo's! This may be my new favourite site. I especially love the 'chewy sweets and bars' section which includes the Skittles Chocolate mix!!! My teeth actually hurt looking at it.

There was another present I got from someone and it was really lovely. Unfortunately all he got back was socks and fudge. He would've got a chocolate russian roulette game as well except...uh...I couldn't wrap it so....uh.....Me, Mels, and Moms played it instead. Mum lost and had to eat the chilli sweet. She bait it into her mouth after claiming that she'd probably already eaten the chilli one without realising it. But the look on her face proved her wrong!!! Sorry Jakes but it was good fun.

Time to eat curry and bathe in jelly beans. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Hats For Hot Water Bottles

Do you know how hard it is to get a beanie hat these days? Very. And do you know who I blame? Emo kids. Their hairstyles are too cool to cover up with boring headwear. And do you know what else is really hard to get? Hot water bottles, especially ones that come without a ridiculous soft and fluffy cover. Do people dress thir hot water bottles in coats in case they get cold?

I was nicknamed Hot Water Bottle Head Hannah by Jakers because, apparently, my head generates tremendous heat. Then why am I always so fecking cold? Mels once told me that you lose most of your body heat through your head. I remember her being sick with the lurgi and wearing a hat in bed. I need a hat for my hot water bottle head. I think I can see a point in those hot water bottle covers after all.

Christmas Shoes and Bully Beef

The job had been going alright but then today I was reminded what happens when a lot of girls work together; gossiping, bitching (or slabbering, as Ballymena folk like to say), whining, moaning, I said she said, and general annoying girly behaviour. Ach, it's not that bad, I'm just intolerant of this in the workplace. It's bad enough having to go out to work without having to work in a bad atmosphere.

On a brighter note, Salt Face has reminded me of a truly moving Christmas song about a pair of Christmas shoes. This song should probably actually have been banned because it's so disturbingly harrowing.

With all the excitement of the new batch of pork I had totally forgot about the bull calves Bert and Wacko are harvesting. I was asking if there meat would be veal when they died. Bert said they wouldn't. Oh how him and mum laughed at me when I asked if the meat would be bully beef. I couldn't figure out why they were laughing so much. I thought bully beef was the meat from an old bull hence the name, bully beef. It was in fact what people called corned beef in war times. Bert's folks used to refer to corned beef as bully beef. It's because none of his family were in the war so they had to pretend.

Also, I'd really love to know, is it easier to fold big blankets if you are taller?

Ho Ho Oh!

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift, that's why they call it the present.

This line was taken from Kung Fu Panda. I've been wrapping Christmas presents. It's taken me 26 years to learn a few things about wrapping presents. For example, only use the amount of paper needed. Excess paper makes for messy, bulky wrapping. Scotch tape, preferably on a tape dispenser, is the only way forward. It's the only sellotape that I don't get tangled up in. It's ten times classier looking than black tape too. The other thing that helps is patience. Too many years I have left wrapping to the last possible minute and handed over gifts that a 4 year old child could have wrapped better. The only good thing about this method is there's no way anyone's gonna guess what their present is.

At least I'm feeling a wee bit christmassy now. I still have loads to do but at least now I'm in the mood for doing them. Mels and Dirt Bird will both be home soon, which is good 'cause I've missed my girlies. Mels has some serious celebrating the end of her horrible examies to do and Dirt Bird has loads of getting drunk with Hannah and forgetting everything that happened to do! Yaay I can't wait!!

Sweaty Sweets

This is how my mind works: I'm unashamedly addicted to blogthings. The latest quiz they have featured is What Kind Of Sweater Are You? I immediately start to think about all the different ways you can sweat; profusely, coldly, sporadically? Of course it meant What Kind Of Jumper Are You? If it was called that, would there be loads of Americans thinking; long-jumper, high-jumper, trampoline jumper?

I actually pondered yesterday if Tic Tacs were pre-packaged in a certain way that made an even number of green and orange ones come out every time. After realising that this idea was ridiculous I came to the obvious conclusion that I had become expert at shaking an even number of both colours out. Today I was sorely disappointed to discover that it is not always an even number of Tic Tacs come out of the box.

I admit that it is odd to think so much about Tic Tacs but we all have our little quirks. I take my sweets very seriously. Mel and I managed to have a half hour conversation about Jelly Belly Beans. Mel has terrible taste in sweets though. She may beg to differ but I only know 2 people in the whole world who like white chocolate noses with green, snotty slime inside. I am due to participate in a sweet-off with the Dog Star. I've been told I'll be thrashed but I think I've been underestimated.

Speaking of taking sweets seriously, Nelly has professed to master the art of fudge-making. She's been doing her research and apparently confectionary requires a lot of skill. Even Z says that she hasn't conquered fudge yet and she's a domestic goddess. I can feel a fudge cook-off coming on y'know. Nelly vs Z vs Me. Bring it on!

Down On My Dish......Twice!

Friday was a bad day. Nothing really bad happened, it was just one of those days I shouldn't have left the house. I slipped on the ice getting off the bus and fell on my hoop. This was after the bus was late and kept me waiting in the freezing cold for half an hour. This was after I'd slept in and rushed around to get the bus. I arrived into work bloody-handed and dishevelled. I forced myself not to feel sorry for myself. This worked until after lunch sometime when I was running through the stock room, got my foot tangled in a plastic bag and fell, again, to the ground like a sack of potatoes.

I can't believe how quickly the time's going in. On one hand this is great as winter is rolling by and the sooner it's over the better. On the other hand it will be Christmas before I know it and I haven't even started Christmas shopping. This time last year I was spending my last days in Lopburi, Thailand. Oh I miss the warm sunshine. Another thing I miss is being anonymous. Christmas time in your hometown is like a war zone. Everyone comes out of the woodwork to buy presents and you find yourself taking half an hour to walk 10 metres because you have to stop and talk to everyone you know.

I'm really gonna try and inject some love back into my wee blog soon. I have ideas but time is limited. The winter is bleak and it's hard to do anything but just survive it. You'd think I had to endure winter in the North Pole the way I was talking about it! Well, I do live not too far from where the Polar bears reside.

Fluffiness

Dear oh dear. This is bad. I just checked my site metre and the only people who are visiting me are people who hate Natwest and people who want to know about Thai "boom boom". I need to do something more interesting with my life but right now it is actually too cold to function. I went to Primark today and invested in fluffy items of clothing. A nice soft dressing gown (the first one I have ever owned as men have always put me off them, lazing about the house looking slobbish) and some thick fluffy socks. I want to be warm this winter but I am not prepared to wear longjohns.

So Katkins, if you're reading this and you want to know what to get me for Christmas, think warm. But not longjohns. Ha! I have just glanced to the left of the computer to see a photo of Bert's dad back in the day when he was a young man. He looks like Humphrey Bogart! I think it's the hat and coat though. Perhaps everyone looked like Humphrey Bogart in those days.