Gracie Threw

I was reading one of those magazines that offer mail order goods at bargain prices. You know, the kind of magazine that advertises special thermal slippers and insoles that remember the shape of your foot. I love them. I can never believe the amazing stuff they sell that never seems to make it to the mainstream market. Like shoe stretching cream. Being a broad-footed person I would find something like this very useful. Other useful things include a device for training your dog to stop barking so much. I would hardly need one but I might suggest that Zoe gets one for Gracie. Oh! while we're on the subject of Gracie.

When Bert was leaving Gracie over to stay with her other grandparents they asked if she'd had her dinner. 'She has', says Bert, 'Oh and I think she's going to throw it up now'. And with that she started heaving and apparently threw up a cylindrical shaped mass of stuff that was practically as big as her. They all just looked at it in shock and then Granda H asks 'What is that?'

At first Bert was just as dumbfounded as they were and then he twigged and tells them that he threw a lot of mashed potato out for the hens and he'd seen Gracie over chomping at it. 'She must have ate the whole lot' says Bert. At which point he made a swift exit.

Dog's Lives and 42p Mix-Ups

Jamie and I are in the middle of a very serious debate at the minute. It involves the meaning and the origin of the saying It's a dog's life. Jamie takes it to mean that it's a bad life. I take it to mean that it's a good life. Who wouldn't want to be a dog? Running around chasing your tail, and balls and cats, going for walks, sleeping in front of the fire. Sounds like pure bliss to me.

I asked some girls in work. The first agreed with Jamie. Damn! Jamie 2 Hannah 1. But the second girl I asked agreed with me. Yay! Jamie 2 Hannah 2. I asked May and she agreed with Jamie. Boo! Jamie 3 Hannah 2. And May is all-knowing so it's not looking good for me. Then I remembered the entrance page for Zoe's old website. She says it's a Dog's life and shows a picture of 2 dogs looking very happy indeed. So she obviously agrees with me. Yay! Jamie 3 Hannah 3. And Zoe is also all-knowing. It doesn't mean I've won the debate but it does mean that I haven't lost it yet.

Last week I went to the local newsagents to spend my last 40p on penny sweets. Normally I count my own mix-up and tell the person at the counter how much it is. On this particular occasion the old fella that owned the shop was in. He obviously didn't like the look of me as when I gave him my bag he got a bowl out and started to count every single last sweet. Either I can't count or I'm a very bad girl but he counted 42p and I said that I thought it was 40. So he took 2 sweets out of the bag. I was raging. Raging because I'm 24 coming 25 and I was caught red-handed shoplifting 2p worth of sweets. I'll never work again. So I have vowed the next time he is in the shop I will be getting myself 5 pounds worth of penny sweets and as he is counting them out I will be doing all that I can to distract him. And when he's finished counting out all the sweets I'll tell him I don't want them anymore. I'll tell him that his sweets have obviously been lying arounf for a decade and they taste like shit anyway.

Problems In Communication

Tiscali, goddam them, have been toying with our minds. Our internet connection is very temperamental at the moment and when it goes off we don't know what to do with ourselves. I'm not as bad as Jamie. I'm reading a good book at the minute The Devil and Miss Prym by Paulo Coelho - 'tis actually the first book I've read since reading the book that this blog was named after. Bad, I know. But poor Jamie is beside himself when it goes off.

It is cruel though. When abody has no TV ariel and the internet is their only form of entertainment. We have watched all the good movies there is to watch from the video shop and even if we hadn't we have no money to rent them. So a big fat f**k off to Tiscali for the deprivation they have caused us.

It first went off at the weekend. Jamie did some investigating and found that most of the Ballymena area was off-line. We sat tight and waited. It came back on a couple of days later. Yeah!. We celebrated with Neighbours and the wee Yodelling girl on You Tube. The next day it went off again. Jamie phoned up and they said blah blah blah we'll get an engineer out tomorrow. The next day it came back on. Yeah! We celebrated with Neighbours and silly games. The next day it was off again. So Jamie phoned again. Same old story. That was last night. It's on again today. We'll celebrate with Neighbours but inside we'll be cursing Tiscali and holding our breath for it to go off again.