It is only now that I am getting chance to write about my week. A very good one it was too. To ease our hangovers on Saturday we took Gravy Dave a drive around the country. We took him to Slemish but he didn't want to climb it 'cos there wasn't a pub at the top. So we took him to Ballycastle aswell and got excited about the Llama's Fair.

That evening we picked up one of my bestest friends Dirt Bird and her boyfriend Marc and took them out to see Nelly and Bert. As always Nelly had been working her magic in the kitchen and produced a mean Cheese, onion and spinach pie and a delicious apple and blackberry sponge. Gravy Dave provided the after dinner entertainment with a bit of poetry and Dirt Bird was reminded of her debauched antics from way back when.

On Sunday evening we drove Gravy and Dirt Bird and Marc down to Derry except that we forgot Dirt Bird and Marc at first and had to turn back to get them. We were going down to visit 2 of our lovely friends, the Derry Man and his beautiful Polish girlfriend Magdamigos. Everyone else stayed down their but me and Jamie had to head back for work work in the morning.

Tuesday after work I had a qick drink with one of the hottest chicks in Ballymena, the girl that Gravy Dave scored with on Friday. She told me that she really dug the Gravy boy and that he had lovely hair. Dirt Bird and Marc called round later with their chips from the Merchant fish bar, all folorn because they fry everything in beef stock and they're both veggies. We then headed out to meet Scullion and Big Hand D for a coupla drinks. We'd already decided on the way up to the bar that we would take a detour down Badtoad street to see if their were any Badtoads about. The Badtoads are a family in Ballymena that all look the same. They all have the same bowl haircut and wear their trousers pulled up to their nipples. Dirt Bird hadn't seen them in years and Marc and Jamie had never seen them so we thought we'd treat ourselves.

On the way up I kept saying that it was too dark and cold for the Badtoads to be standing outside their door watching the world go by but lo and behold they were out. We didn't even have to go down their street as they were walking to Mcgroggan's for some midnight snacks. I asked Marc if he had a chance to see them properly but he hadn't. So Dirt Bird suggested we go to McGroggan's aswell. We did but I couldn't keep a straight face in the shop especially after Mammy Badtoad asked Son Badtoad if he wanted a pot noodle. Marc had to leave the shop and all Jamie cared about was getting a wham bar. Me and Dirt Bird laughed are heads off though.

Then we had a wee drinky with Scullion and Big Hand D who have just recently got engaged so congratulations to them. The reason we call Scullion's finacee Big Hand D is because he cut his hand on glass when he was really drunk, it got infected and his hand swoll up 3 times the size. He said when he was in hospital the meanest nurse in the world stood over his bed and demanded that he got up and had a shower. Big Hand D said he felt so awful that he wanted just to lie there in his own dirt and he didn't care if there were flies buzzing around him. Jamie said he could picture him wafting the flies away with his massive swollen hand.

On wednesday night I called round to the birthday girl's and gave her birthday wine and a birthday voucher for Waterstones. I normally avoid birthday vouchers but I wanted to give someone their birthday present on their actual birthday for the first time and I couldn't find anything that she would've liked.

So that brings me to this morning. I have had a lovely lie in while poor Jamie's gone to work and I plan to take things easy this weekend. There's something going down at Portglenone this weekend so we might head down for a bit of banter and a few swallies but other than that I'll be doing nathin'