Rat Darlings

Here's a pic of Big Daddy Rocky looking mighty handsome. I call him Big Daddy because when the girls were babies Rocky was fat. He was a big pudding. He's a shadow of his former self now but I caught him at a good angle in this picture so he doesn't look so waif like. It's hard to know what Rocky would've been like if we hadn't got him neuteured, or if Pepe hadn't been his original cagemate. Pepe was the boss and Rocky didn't put up much of a fight. He doesn't seem to care much about Polly and Meka but they adore him. Meka would go to Rocky to feel secure and Polly would groom him. Rocky doesn't like to be handled as much as he used to but he's a well behaved rat and he gets to hang out of the cage and sit on the windowsill or his little spot on top of the chair.

Meka Moo is a hoarder. As soon as anything goes into the food bowl she rushes straight over to fill as much as she can into her mouth and then dashes to the bottom part of the cage to stash it. Polly is no dozer though and raid's Meka's stash whenever she wants. Meka is atypical skittish female rat. She must have more nervous energy to burn off as she doesn't sleep as much as Polly.

Polly Pooh Pooh Head is the easiest rat in the world to work with. She doesn't mind baths, she's not scared of anything and she likes a cuddle. Polly is an adventurer and has been from the very first day we got her. She is also a cheeky wee scamp who chases Meka around the room and does all the things she knows she's not supposed to. Rats are very energetic players. They do a lot of running and chasing and scamping.

My 3 wee rats are all lovely and special in their own ways. They groom and play with me like I am just a giant version of them. They wake up early with me on my work days and they have a lie in on my days off. They are completely and utterly spoilt but sure, if I wasn't spoiling them I'd have to spoil someone else, like my boyfriend. It's better to spoil the rats.

The Quiz Master

When I was teaching in Thailand the other teachers and I would meet up at Tobie's bar for the a quiz night. It was always a Thursday and we each took it in turns to be the host. I remember when it was my turn I designed a quiz I thought was going to be really easy for everyone. It ended up being really hard. I found a draft of some of the questions I had came up with today and was rather amused by some of them. And, of course, I will share:

Section 5: Randomness

1. How many people a year are killed by vending machines falling on top of them?

2. What way do windmills turn; clockwise or anti-clockwise?

3. What is a 'palindrome'?

4. Originally, what colour was Coca-Cola?

5. What is the longest recorded flight of a chicken?



Section 6: Fact or Fiction:

1. A cockroach can live 9 days without it's head before it will starve to death.

2. A duck's quack doesn't echo.

3. In a public house, a landlord cannot refuse to serve a customer unless they have rang the bell for 'last orders'.

4. A scrambled egg made from the egg of an ostrich has to be made in a frying pan with a diameter of no less than 42 inches.

5/ All polar bears are left handed.


I will provide answers in a few days but if you really need to know before then you can always google it :)

There's An Arrow In My Bow

Wow! You know the way you can listen to a song several times before you actually listen to it? I just listened to Lay Down Low by KT Tunstall. She's a class act even if she does spell her name a stupid way. It's obviously a post feminist break up song which most chicks of my generation could relate to but it was this particular chorus that caught my attention:


You are the right, you know, and I am the wrong
I am the silence while you sing a song
You keep me for yourself while I am alone
You suck the life from me and I am just skin and bone
And now it's time for me to show
That there's an arrow in my bow
You think I'm lost in you but I have found
That you can lay down low

The first 4 lines made me think of my relationship with a certain ex and I wondered if KT Tunstall had the misfortune of dating the same guy. But when she says that there's 'an arrow in my bow' I realised that this song was written for me personally. You see, my surname is Bowyer and I come from a long line of bow makers. Obviously KT Tunstall is sucking my ideas up before I have time to even process them. I'd be annoyed but I know she's doing a far better job than I ever would.

Electric Feel

I'm out on the homestead looking after the big girl for a couple of days while Nelly and Bert are away scunging. They've taken Judy Pudding with them so it's just me. Bonnie and the cats.

Last week I went to a gig. It was part of Tenants Vital, a pretend festival they hold in a playing field in Belfast. We missed Rodrigo and Gabriela, who were awesome apparently, but we were there to see Florence and the Machine and the Stone Roses. I was more excited about Florence and they were good but they just didn't play the songs that I expected them to play so I ended up feeling a bit disappointed. The Stone Roses, who I do love but wasn't caring about as much, ended up being much better than I thought. And they did play all the songs that I wanted them to.

Back to this evening though. I've just put the pigs to bed. It's such a shame that the only real way of testing if an electric fence is switched on is by touching it. In most cases it is definitely on and it's only after the shock to the system that your brain works hard enough to go and find the on/off switch. Rarely do we just go straight to the on/off switch. After I put the pigs to bed I did a quick rally around the wild strawberry bushes and picked myself a nice pudding. I might have mentioned before that I don't get to eat the strawberries much as Martha normally eats them faster than I can pick them. I'm sure Bert will be able to explain why the ones growing in the tunnel tasted nicer than the ones outdoors. After that I put the hens to bed. With the livestock tended to, the domestics fed and watered it's now me time. Master Qwan is awaiting me.

Face Face Likes Her Face

So, I used to look in front of the mirror and despair at what I saw. My hair that's neither brown nor blond, my eyes that are too small for my head, my nose that turns up at the end like a ski slope, my ears that stick out like a wee mouse, my lips that are massive. My poor little head trembling under the weight of them. But youngsters are hard on themselves. Youngsters are hard on everyone.

It's taken me a long time to get to where I am. A lot of soul searching and delving into the depths of my mind. But after 30 years, when I look in the mirror, I can look at my face in a different light. When I look at myself now I notice the lips I have used to show my love in the most wonderful way. The eyes that have witnessed complete and utter, breathtaking beauty. The nose that has the ability to transport me back in time with the sweet smell of freshly cut grass. The ears that channel the sounds that fill my soul with the urge to dance. Every scar, blemish and cell holds a little bit of my story. Who I am and what I've done.

This post has been inspired by an episode of 3rd Rock from the Sun. This face is a scrapbook dedicated to who I am. Genius!

Rat Line

Last night Jakers and I were discussing Rocky. I have tried a few different things with him lately but it seems that I have to face facts that he's just an odd rat. Yes, we have probably contributed to him being odd but then again, it was never planned that his sister would die and Rocky's life would totally change.

So, after reaching this conclusion I said to Jakers that it would be great if there was a hotline you could call and speak to a rat expert. I guess this is what the internet is but for some reason information is always more reassuring when it comes from an actual human being.

Several minutes later, as Polly and Meka scooted about on my bed, I asked Jakers a question:

Me: Do you think, if I was a loner, and I had the rats out free ranging, and, say I just died suddenly, do you think the rats would eat me?

Jakes: Yes.

Me: Really? Even though they're my pets?

Jakes: Yes. Evan a dog would eat you.

Me: How long do you think they'd wait before eating me?

Jakes: About half an hour.

Me: And do you think they'd feel bad about eating me?

Jakes: (smirking) I don't know, you'd have to call your rat hotline to find that out.


Of course, the next morning I realised that they wouldn't feel at all bad for eating me. In fact, they'd probably realise how tasty I was and wonder why they didn't do it sooner.

Excercising The Power Of My Will

So, this week I have decided to not eat bread. And next week I will not eat any sugar. I have decided to excercise my will power. It had got a bit fat and lazy over the past couple of months. Bread is a hard one for me to give up, even if it's only for a week. When I was in Thailand my biggest craving was always for a nice tasty sandwich. Or some of Zoe's delicious buns.

Part of my reason for doing this is to give myself a weekly challenge and to prove to myself that giving things up doesn't have to be so difficult. Sometimes the thought of something is worse than doing it. I had let cigarette's creep back into my life. It started off as the odd one when I was drinking. Then I started to have a couple of cheeky sober ones. So this week the giving up of bread is also acting as a distraction from the fact that I'm giving up smoking again. There is always a method to my madness. Though the week I give up dairy products should be fun but not as much fun as the week I give up coffee!

The Importance Of What's Important

I have been thinking a lot about values lately and what's important to me in life. Obviously friends and family come top of the list but, let's face it, if it didn't I'd be some kind of sociopath. I have always believed laughing to be of great importance. I could go into a scientific explanation of how laughing affects the brain but that'd be far too technical and boring. Best just to say that laughing releases the same chemical as chocolate, sex and having a really really good, satisfying pooh. Though obviously these aren't meant to be done at the same time.

Adventure is high up on my list of priorities but I think it's wise to note that backpacking across the world is not the only kind of adventure we can embark upon. We have to use our imagination like a child does and realise that everyday can be an adventure.

One of the main things in life that I find important is to be creative. I used to churn out poems and lyrics when I was a teeneager like I was spewing up my guts. Now it's not so easy. I keep writing my blog just to make sure I don't get out if the habit of writing but it's not the same as writing creatively. The only time I was ever top of the class was when it came to English. I used to run to my teacher eagerly asking him if he'd marked our latest essay. I also took immense pleasure in getting higher grades than the students who came top of the class at everything. I was never booksmart. Too busy being moody and creative to care about science and maths.

And as life goes on and I get older I swear the creativity is being sucked from me. And all I really want is a small group of interetsing people with interesting minds to collaborate with me and embark upon a creative adventure. These people may or may not exist but if you're out there, and you're reading this, come see me and my rats and we can play guitar and laugh and write songs that make us smile.

Jakes And The Jokes

Jakers likes to think of himself as a bit of a joker (and a midnight cowboy). One of his favourite jokes is to tell me it's 6:00 pm on a Sunday when it's only 10:00 am. He likes to watch the look of despondency on my face as I realise I have wasted my whole day off. As the recipient of these gags I find them highly unamusing but this morning I played him at his own game. In fairness, it was immensely gratifying and I now understand the attraction to japing.

Jakers the joker enjoys a jot of japing,
The japes Jakers joked,
The jokes Jakers japed
Juxtaposed the jovial judges of Jamaica. Ja man!

Credit In A Straight World

I just had the lovliest weekend. But prior to that I have a good couple of weeks. It has taken me a long time to get to where I am but I'm here now and that's what matters. I have spent many years looking at my life in terms of what I haven't acheived. I haven't got a proper job. I haven't started a family. I haven't written a book. Now it's time to start giving myself credit for the things I have acheived. I have plunged into the unknown by going to Thailand and working as a teacher. This did wonders for my confidence. It also helped me to break away from a truly destructive relationship.

I went to South America by myself. I didn't last as long as I'd hoped to but I still did it. And, not only that, I worked my goddam ass off to save the money to get there. I proved to myself that I was willing to do anything to acheive a lifelong dream. I left behind the guy that I loved because I had faith in us that we would last the distance. And we did. And we're still ploughing through everything that life has to throw at us because life won't stop throwing stuff at us just because we survived the 1st round.

The realisations I have made in the past couple of weeks are tremendous milestones. We often measure things in term of happiness but right now I am content with this feeling of inner strength.

I have had a recurring dream for well over a year now. In the dream I am in Lopburi, Thaialnd where I taught English. I am always looking for Tobie's bar which is where all my friends and I hung out. In all my dreams I never reach it though I am always so eager to see Brad, Tobie and Gift. Last night I got there. I made it to Tobie's and I spoke to him. I asked him how everyone was. When I woke up I knew that I'd made it. This dream has represented me looking for a part of myself that I had lost along the way. The feeling of accomplishment was overwhelming. I made it to Tobie's bar after all this time and all those dreams. And today I feel a little bit lighter.

Meh

Today I'm feeling a bit 'Meh'. I am seriously lacking in any sort of motivation to do anything. There's no pleasing me. I don't want to hear about negative things and yet I'm told that 'that's life'. Like it or lump it. So I don't have a choice about the conversations I have and yet I grew up believeing that I had a choice in everything.

I thought I had dealt with some very strong emotions a while ago but, seemingly, I haven't. These feelings are giant. Bigger than I am and I'm a little swamped by them. Part of me would like to hide away from the world for a while but I don't have the luxury of hibernating.

Everyone has good days and bads days. I know this. In order for me to have more good days than bad days I need to be a bit more honest about my feelings in general. I once went out with a guy who didn't allow me to be honest about my feelings. I know this sounds stupid but it's true. I am scared to be upset, annoyed or pissed off because it has been reinforced that these emotions are not acceptable. But, you know what, I don't care any more. I really just don't care.

Beef Hustler

So, I misheard a word the other night. I thought someone said 'Beef Hustler'. What they really said was, 'befuzzler'. Neither make any sense but both were funny. Just out of interest I googled 'Beef Hustler' and look, it exists! You have to scroll down to see it.

Djingle Djangle

Sometimes real life gets busy and cyber life suffers as a result. Not that this is a bad thing. My big sister Katkins was home this weekend. She came out with me on Saturday night for a spot of bingo. Now, in fairness, this is not as granny like as if sounds. The bingo was for a charity fundraiser that a friend of mine organised. The general consensus was that all the girls loved bingo, all the boys didn't. Perhaps if the game worked so that, when you scratched off a number, it revealed a nude picture of a lady, the boys may have enjoyed it more.

This week is also a busy week. Tonight I have an awards ceremony and dinner to attend at Stormant and tomorrow we have a Django Django gig in Derry. The dinner is courtesy of Jakers (he was nominated for a learner's award) and the gig is courtesy of Nelly (who tells me that this band are the hottest thing since that spell of good weather we had a few weeks ago).

In other news, Rocky Rat doesn't seem in the best of health though his form isn't too bad. He doesn't seem to be able to put weight on but he accepts whatever food I offer him. He is a big fan of fortisip (a special vitamin drink designed for people who need calories but can't eat very well) so I give him a little sup of that every day but I can't leave anything in the cage for him to eat as the girls will get to it first and they certainly don't need to put on any weight. Meka is a hoarder and whatever food I put in their bowl she will hide down at the bottom of the cage. Sometimes I see her trying to squeeze as much as possible into her wee mouth to hoard downstairs. It may be this hoarding tendency that prevents Rocky from getting all the food he needs. There may come a time when I have to put Rocky in his own separate cage.

So, anyway, probably about time I got back to work here. I am nearing the end of the biggest order of reprints this shop has ever seen. I have built up a rapport with the customer and what had turned into a £100 job is turning into a £600 job. I feel like I know her whole family as I've seen so many photos.

Taking A Walk In Someone Else's Shoes

As it was my day off yesterday I decided to go out to Mum's to see Miss Martha. Judy and Bert had just got back from their holidays in Donegal and poor Judy was shattered from all the fun she'd had running wild and free at the beach. But Judy really took a shine to Martha's shoes and socks and so she asked if she could borrow them for a while. She looked a bit silly but I don't think she cared.




Poor Martha had to make do with my camera case to keep her little toes warm. Though she was the one who initially had taken off her shoes and socks to show me her lovely painted toenails. When we put them back on for her she was pleased that Judy had made them all warm and cosy for her.

Keep On Crushing

I have been struck down by Hannah Flu. It's not quite as bad as the swine flu epidemic but still worth complaining about. Speaking of the swine flu, I haven't been able to eat a Pear Picking Porky since I got a bad dose a few years ago.

I have recently joined hitRECord which is a website for creative and arty types to express themselves. If editing floats your boat you can use other members' songs, videos, photos, paintings, poems, etc. and remix your own version. It's basically doing away with the concept of copyright. It seems to be human nature to claim ownership but wouldn't the world be so much better if we all shared?

And whilst I'm talking about this website it's also worth mentioning that I have a crush on the guy who came up with the idea. He's an actor called Jospeh Gordon-Levitt and he's made me remember the importance of having a crush. When you're too young to get served at a bar, or buy a packet of skins to make a doobie, you're too old for dolls and prams, crushes are what gets you through the day. My first crush was Michael J. Fox and I didn't care how many gigawatts Doctor Emmet Brown was shouting about because Michael (Marty) looked so cute in his orange bodywarmer.

So it's healthy to have a crush, even when you've just turned 30 and the world of fantasy isn't quite as lucid as it once was. It's healthy because it keeps your mind preoccupied for a minute or two when normally your mind would be telling you to light up another cigarette. I also have a crush on my boyfriend because he kind of reminds me of JGL. Though my crush on Jakers is possibly more than just a crush. In fact, I think I might be in love with him.

The Witched Wick of the Weest

I think I might be an apple connoisseur. This time of year the Royal Galas are in good stead. They must know it's the Queen's Jubilee next week. Normally I'm a Pink Lady kinda gal but they aren't so sweet this time of year. They're more of an autumn fruit. I'm not a big fan of a Grannysmith. They make my glands go a bit funny. And Golden delicious are neither golden nor delicious. But anyway, that's not what this post is about. This post is about, well, nothing in particular really. My life, though happy and relatively peaceful, is a little mundane at the moment.

I've been watching a series called Beyond Belief: Fact or Fiction. As you can probably tell from the title it is American and total trash T.V. It's about strange coincidences and ghostly things and the point is to determine if they are true or not. It's one of those things that the more unbelievable it is the more likely they are to claim that it'a true. The believable ones are, apparently, codswallop. Anyway, I told Jakers the other morning that I had a rather pointless dream about his block of flats being redecorated. He'd been staying at mine and I joked about how funny it would be if he went home and they were decorated. We both agreed that would be a story (albeit a very boring one) for BBFF. Turns out that Jakers block wasn't redecorated but his next door neighbour had repainted their door. I don't care how pointless and random it is I still think it's a bit freaky. Being psychic would surely be a curse. I like the unknown. I like surprises (so much so that I requested a surprise birthday party). I like the suspense. Being psychic would be a total burden and not to mention the fact that if I was in a different era I would be burned at the stake as a witch. I don't want to be a witch. I want to be a clown. I know they're just as scary but I view juggling as a much more worthy pastime than casting spells and cursing people.

Captured

Awwww it would be lovely if the weather was scorchio all the time. It's warm at work with all the machines running and so the working day is torture but it's worth it for the warm balmy evenings. Puts me in the mood for a spot of photography. And I have found a stash of Kodak film at Poundland which means I can get trigger happy with my Pentax SLR.

Judy and Bonnie happily pose in the lawn for me. You can tell they've done this before.

This is the trendy man's choice of footwear. Bert and Wee Nes model the spring/summer '12 collection.

Wee Nes sporting a fine pair of shades and a very lovely glass of wine modelled by Nelly's hand.

I would love a holiday. Of course, wouldn't we all but I just get all tingly and excited when I think of being somewhere different. I have been doing a bit of Jedi mind training. When I'm walking around I try to look at Ballymena through the eyes of a foreigner. Dspite having spent most of my life here there are many parts of the town I have never really bothered to look at. By looking at them I can convince myself that I've never been here before and it's all new to me. I wonder how long this will last before I get bored and need an actual real holiday.

The rats have bonded well with Jakers. In fact, they seem to think that he is a big rat (might be the ears, I'm not sure). They groom him when he comes to visit. Saves me the bother. It's nice for him though as he never received much affection from Pepe. There was a power struggle going on between them and Pepe preferred me 'cause I let her run rings round me.

Pushed for time here so I must go and get my bedroom sorted. I can brasso no more. It's costing me a fortune in money and time. Jakers is starting to think that I'm possessed by the evil bed spirit. A bit like Stephen King's Christine. So I have to give up my brasso habit to concentrate on my role as a loving, caring girlfriend.

The Land Of Giants

I was in the darkroom at work today which is, you know, dark. It is also the staff toilet. We go in there to change photo paper or bust a roll of film out of it's canister if the little doo dah contraption doesn't work. Can you see where I'm going with this?

Yes, I accidentally dropped someone's film down the loo. I had that moment where I thought about what I would do. Well, to go and turn the light on was not an option as the film would most definitely be ruined. But I couldn't be sure that it wouldn't be ruined after being dropped in the toilet. We live in fear of ruining anyone's film or photos because photos can be so precious to people. Nothing can replace them. So I did what any dedicated photo specialist would do and stuck my hand down the toilet, in pitch black, and fished it out.

The photos were fine. My hand was fine. Sometimes the toilet doesn't totally flush away all the loo roll but, thankfully, this wasn't such an occasion. All was well except for the fact that I still had to stick my hand down the toilet bowl and that's never a good thing.

The Lovely Mel was at home on Saturday. We went to out to Cullybackey to hang with Nellybert, The Banjos and Swisser and the many many dogs. Young Loveheart was also there and he was showing off his heavy duty microscope that magnifies things by a million times. I had never been a big fan of science but Mel and I happily spent several hours getting lost in the world of small things. Things just look totally different that close up. We raided the herbs and spices rack to get many of our 'subjects'. Fennel was one of the most interesting and a Jelly Tot up close was also pretty cool. Mr. Banjo offered up one of his dirty skanky nails for us to investigate but that was a little scary as I'm sure I saw something wiggling. And then Loveheart left, taking his toy with him, so we had no choice but to revert to conversation as a form of entertainment. I may invest in one of these state of the art microscopes.

Never Too Old To Play At The Park

I have had the best week. It has been a week of not working and taking things slowly. I purposely didn't plan anything for the week other than having my niece for a sleepover. This was the first time she had come to stay with me so it was very exciting for us both. We did a bit of painting, etch-a-sketching and reading. She was a perfect angel.

I took her to the park on Wednesday. We were lucky that it was a rare sunny, dry day. We played in the toddlers park for a while and then we ventured into the big kid's play area. This was mutually beneficial as I had to do a lot of supervising and by supervising I mean playing.

Today is my last day of holiday so I plan to make the most of it. I have already had a lovely lie in ruined by the builders next door. But when you're happy you don't care that builders are in the next room drilling holes and filling their cracks with sawdust. And it was 11 O'Clock to be fair.

Jakers is now a trained acupuncturist. He can stick needles in my ears and I love it though if he tries to stick them in my eye I'll punch him in the face. Oh, and I nearly forgot to mention that he got us tickets to see the Stone Roses and Florence and the Machine in June. I may, possibly, have the best boyfriend ever.