Spider Whispering

I've just had a very grown up conversation with a spider and asked it very nicely to leave my room and then blew on it so it knew which direction the door was. It made a bit of a detour but it left willingly in the end. But...even more exciting (and scary) than that. Mum and Bert are away to get me my first car. I should be going too but I'm a little bit terrified. It's a big commitment and, in many ways, I still feel like I'm 9 years old.

But...I have to be brave. Like when talking to the spider. And I have to be thankful that I'm in this position. And I know that, depsite being nervous, I am excited about all the potential adventures in store. Perhaps the next post might have a picture or two :)

Man Made Trees

Ahhh...The Lovely Mels and I spent a few blissful days in Amsterdam. I realised it had been 5 years since I'd been in foreign land and a part of me reawakened. But there was also an awareness, perhaps a mindfulness, about this trip and I felt that I was able to really absorb the finer details. The juxtaposition of lazy, hazy vibes in a city that's buzzing with activity. The character of all the unique, wonky architecture. We made cat friends, dog friends, bird friends and even a little rat friend. I think our favourite was the cat that sat in the window of a cheese shop. Mels and I were amazed that it didn't eat the cheese. Perhaps it was there to make sure the mice stayed away.

We went to the Botanic gardens and discovered many interesting things. There was a desert land, a jungle world and South African plains. It was in the South Africa section that Mel got very excited about a particular tree trunk exclaiming, "Dude! Look how smooth that tree trunk is!". I placed my hand on it and it felt cold. I thought to myself: I don't really like this tree. Then I felt a little guilty for having favourite tree trunks. It wasn't the tree's fault it was made this way. But, something didn't sit right with it all and as I looked up I realised that it wasn't actually a tree trunk but a large metal rod that was part of the structure of the building. I pointed this out to Mels and we laughed at her silliness. It was akin to the "No Hooting" sign on our road trip.

Ziggy was a little sad when I was away but I've been off all week and he has come everywhere with me. Yesterday I bought him a new collar. He's a proud little man. Later on we are going to see Gus to do some music. I have purchased a digital 8-track recorder and we have been having fun with it. Ziggy helped me to lay down my first track. His bark sounds mega with the reverb turned up. I'm gonna get him to do some more backing vocals for me.

Thunderstruck

I was preparing myself for the end of my degree to feel a little hollow. When you devote so much time and energy to something that comes to fruition there is a great sense of relief and another sense of...so what now? I expected to feel a little bored, empty and restless but I haven't had time to. My life is busy and full. Mostly with good things. Stress and worry are never too far away. I am happy but that doesn't mean the whole world is. And, as always, I feel a huge responsibility to fix things. This is an ongoing challenge for me...I am not responsible for the whole world. Having said that...it's what drives me. It's where my passion is directed. I have so much to express I feel like I really need to go live in that hedgerow in Connemara. I feel like I need to sit in a darkened room, listening to music, dancing, writing, singing and cultivating something that can help me to connect.

There has been several thunder storms in a space of a week. It feels like we're on the cusp of something. I witness that thunder in a lot of people. I sense that it's been bubbling away under the surface for a long time and it's ready to explode. Feelings are spilling out and it's not a bad thing but rather, a very necessary thing. It's making room for the sun to shine.

I'm cultivating hope. I'm practicing my self-love. I feel that everything's so fragile but I can keep this fire in soul burning if I rememeber who I am, who I truly am. All those tests I passed, they were hard, but the hardest test of all is taking off the mask, deconstructing the defenses and keeping my heart open just enough to let the light in without drowning in the darkness. And, as always, I'm ready.