The Real Update

I finished my blog post yesterday with a feeling of uneasiness inside of me. I couldn't quite be sure what it was all about and then it hit me. I was writing the post just to write. Just to be there and be present. But I wasn't writing from my heart and that always makes me feel like a fraud. 2016 has been a funny one for me so far. All the hope and positivity I had channelled and nurtured over 2015 just seemed to disappear in a puff of smoke. I have been keeping busy and doing plenty but I always know when my soul isn't singing as sweet a song as it should be.

At the end of 2015 I had a flourish of creativity. I now expect this to be available on tap and that's not how creativity works. But hooray for me being a sensitive soul and being knocked by every tiny insignificant event in my life. Because if I try hard enough there is always a little surplus supply of sorrow within me to inspire some kind of poetry. I suppose I can't help but feel self-inflicted pressure to churn out words and songs for the band (we will always be called the GCDC's but don't tell Jobe). But this year, so far, I haven't given myself the head space to connect with myself. I shouldn't leave those things to chance.

Today is beautiful. Ziggy and I went out for an early morning stroll. Ziggy had been Gurgletron (that's what we call him when his tummy makes noises) all morning and he produced a toxic jobby that couldn't be picked up with a jobby bag so I had to run aaway very quickly. My walks with Ziggy are very valuable to me, whether he does toxic jobbies or not. It's where I do a lot of my productive thinking and I ask myself the super serious questions like "What the f**k is wrong with you Hannah?" The answer is always different depending on the day. Sometimes I'm gentle with myself, sometimes I'm not.

My living room is a sun trap. Both Ziggy and I have been basking and I, for the second time this year, have forgotten about the eggs boiling in the saucepan. At least they didn't explode this time.

A Little Update

Oh...what's this? A cheeky afternoon all to myself? Don't mind if I do! Ziggy has been walked by his Granny. I have done a small amount of course work. The surfaces are clean(ish) and the floors have been mopped. No excuses not for blogging. To be fair, I was struck down with The Flu for a week and a half. Notice how it was The Flu and not donkey or bird flu. It was horrible.

I am much better now. I have started my placement for the degree. It has been great to get started but opened the door to a lot of worry and self-doubt. But sure, I wouldn't be happy unless I was putting myself through some intense experience that caused me to question every aspect of my being. That's just how I roll.

I haven't written any new songs for a while. It's been a funny start to the year and it's taken me until now to get caught up with myself. I had a disco with Ziggy the other night. I danced and Ziggy tried to stop me from dancing. I won. I danced my heart out because it was the first spurt of energy I'd had since being sick.

My cheeky afternoon all to myself got kinda hijacked. But that's ok. It's Saturday evening now and I have cider to drink and a geetar to play :)

Keeping Busy

Days 3,4,5. 6 and 7 of my holiday went by so quickly I hadn't even time to write about them. It was a really lovely week off though with just a nice balance of everything. These are some of the things I did:

1. Band practice
2. Spent a lovely day with my mum who helped me find the perfect chest of drawers.
3. Watched an awful lot of Hoarders
4. Had coffee with a friend
5. Had coffee with another friend
6. Had lots of coffee in general
7. Had to pee lots because of volume of coffee consumed
8. Gave a guitar lesson to an 8 year old
9. Spent 5 hours in a philisophical debate with Gus
10. Went to a party

Tomorrow could potentially be a big day for me. I have distracted myself by cleaning the fridge, washing machine, oven and several other appliances. I may have to create another big event to feel nervous about in a few months time as this seems to be the only time that I get round to these kind of things.

Hank Macho's Lunar Fringe

Day two of a week off work. I have clean floors and a rested head. Tomorrow I'll spend some time with mum charity shopping for a new/old chest of drawers. Why haven't I blogged in a month? Because I've probably had a total of 5 hours to myself this year so far. Complaining? No. I don't measure the quality of my weeks by how many blog posts I can churn out. I measure it in terms of contentment.

I am reasonably content considering I have a whole lot of shit to wade through. But if it wasn't that shit it would be some other shit and at least it's metaphorical shit as opposed to literal shit that some people actually do wade through because they are hoarders and they are incapable of letting go of anything.

I have yet another flatmate but he is more of a new/old flatmate. Gus is back! Not as a romantic partner but as a good friend who needs a space to be in that helps him to achieve what he wants to achieve. It's not everyone that is up for living with their ex-partners but Gus and I are not everyone.

The GCDCs are in a process of changing name. Nothing has been finalised yet as Jobe thinks we need to take the name more seriously. Gus and I compiled a list of potential band names with the aim of making them so ridiculous that Jobe would surely think the GCDCs was awesome. The list looked a little like this:

The Bleeding Goats (The Bloats)
The Blowhole Surfers
The Psycho-Sausagelogical Casserole
Magic Bowie Bag
Salad Fingers and The Rusty Spoons
Bobo Bob and the Buckfast Buckaneers
Asbo Gilbo
The Thimbleriggers
The Cosmonaughts
The Zigatrons

As it happened, he quite liked The Zigatrons but then Gus got to work on making an anagram of all of our names and came up with Hank Macho's Lunar Fringe which we all thought sounded rather spiffing. And much less politically ripe than The Fenian Firewater Revival.