Ballymena Ladyboy

Ballymena isn't a big place. It's the kind of place where everyone knows everyone to some extent, even if it's just recognising their faces. Sometimes it's a good thing because I like walking down the street and having people to stop and chat to. It can also be a bad thing too because everyone knows everyone's buisness. Luckily I haven't too much to hide or be ashamed of so I don't really mind people knowing my buisness.

I was at the pub last week and as I was leaving the girl's toilets and said hello to a girl I kind of know. Someone was standing outside waiting for her and this person said hello and asked me if I remembered them. I looked at their face and thought they looked vaguely familiar. They then proceeded to tell me that I had met them outside another bar and we'd been chatting and I asked them what their name was. When they said it was John, or Mark, or some other boy's name I asked them why they were pretending to be a boy. All of a sudden I had a flashback of this particular encounter and I did actually ask them why they were pretending to be a boy.

Having been reminded of this I looked at this guy and apologised profusely and then asked him if he was sure he was definitely a boy. To which, he/she replied that yes he definitely was a boy. I felt really bad but still not entirely convinced. And to be fair, there was absolutely nothing about him that suggested he was a girl, other than a fairly unbroken voice and soft, delicate features. Poor lad. I hope he's not too offended.

Dill Tries Horlicks

We had a visit from a guy the other night. He's a shy fellow so I won't disclose his real name, I'll call him Dill. Dill's a great guy but he's got his quirks. He doesn't fall asleep to serene music or whale sounds like any normal person would, no, he likes to listen to repetitive white noise, like the sound of an electric drill, or the fuzziness of a T.V.

He was round playing a bit of geetar with Jakers. He's very good and we've told him he'd make an excellent teacher but he's negative about everything. And I mean everything. The only thing that makes Diil truly happy is food. He's a big lad at 6 foot eight and so he needs a lot of grub. He once ate so much at a Chinese all you can eat buffet that he was actually sick.

He was offered a cup of tea and a Curly Wurly at first and then later I wanted Horlicks and we gave him some of that too. He'd never had it before and thought it was maybe some kind of class A drug. We told him it was what old granny's drink before they go to bed. At first he liked it. He felt enveloped in the warm milky, malty goodness. But then he got half way through it and decided it was like drinking baby boke. Yeah, if baby's stomachs were lined with malt, which they're not. Anyway, I didn't let it put me off mine though.

Back To School and Bomb Scares

A couple of nights ago I had a dream that I woke up to a text from my friend saying "I'll meet you at school". I was running around wondering how it could be the first day of term again and feeling totally disorganised because all my school sgirts were either dirty or wrinkled (which is ironic because it never bothered me before going to school in a dirty, wrinkly shirt). Anyway, it took me a while to catch on that it wasn't just the summer holidays since I'd been to school, it was years. I recalled having gone to uni and couldn't figure out why I was going back to school. So I texted my friend back asking her why we were going to school. She replied back that we had to go for ESPN training. There's no such thing as ESPN training, it's a sports channel I'd been watching the Stoke Vs Liverpool match on ESPN some few nights before.

Last night, when I went to sleep, I must have traveled back in time about 40 years because I'd been in work, this morning, no longer than an hour when the manager from the shopping centre came into the shop telling us we had to close up and evacuate as there was a suspected bomb threat across the road in Poundstretcher. After 3 hours of drinking endless cups of coffee in a nearby pub (there wasn't much else we could do) we were allowed to open up again but they'd cordoned off the whole street and sent the Bomb Disposal Unit out. As I was walking towards the pub I bumped into Jakers who said he'd just got into work and was told to go down to Poundstretcher to get a cheap jar of coffee. They lost a sale there.

After the whole hoo-ha we went back to work and thought the rest of the day would fly in. It did but in a very annoying way. Why anyone ever has need of a 30 x 40 inch frame I do not know (apart from having a poster print and wanting it framed, which should be banned). Anyway, Danny asked me to help him frame it and it ended up being a complete disaster. Firstly, it was mounted. This isn't normally a problem but the aperture of the mount was the exact measurement of the print. Normally you'd have a bit of an overlap meaning there's no chance for gaps. We had to line the print up precisely and tape it down a bit. I had hoped the back of the frame would help flatten the print down but this frame's back was ever so slightly too big. Only by millimeteres but it was enough not to flatten the print, which really needed it because of the neat fit of the mount. We ended up with a print that gaped. No good. In the midst of trying out other things to help it the glass broke. Only a tiny bit from one of the corners but enough to completely ruin it. Luckily when I called the customer to explain she took it in good humour and laughed about all the mishaps. I'd have laughed too if it hadn't been such a ball ache. Roll on the weekend.

Busy Bee

I'm so busy these days that when I do sit down and relax I feel truly justified. I've stayed true to my word about embracing the land of T.V. The best thing about Sky is that you can record shows to watch at a later date. I am currently watching endless episodes of QI, Mock the Week, The Middle and Family Guy. Jakers hasn't got to watch as much Sci-Fi or wildlife documentaries as he had hoped but perhaps I'll get bored of T.V.

The reason I'm so busy is a combination of work and play. On Thursday night I met my workmate for drinks. I wasn't home that late but it was late enough for my mate to want me to get a taxi. I live ten minutes away from the pub but she said she didn't want me to get raped. I told her I'd be fine but her parting words to me were "you know that most people who get raped get raped up the bum!" I guess I must have been quite shocked by this revelation so I called Jakers and told him I was on my way home and if I wasn't back in 5 minutes to come looking for me.

I had a busy day on Friday as well . I spent the afternoon hanging out with Zoe and Martha. Martha is getting pretty used to me now and she makes it known that I am part of her clan. Very sweet. I then went round to a friend's house where we talked non-stop for 3 hours. This guy's hasn't been well for a long time but he's still an absolute ray of sunshine. When I was living at home I only saw this guy the very odd weekend. It's so nice to be within walking distance of calling in on him. We also had a few dudes round in the evening for music night. Though it was more like sitting around talking night than music night.

Then it was Saturday and work was super busy (but in a nice way, not a head-frying stressful way) and I went out with friends even though I felt I could sleep a marathon. I ended up having a lovely wee night and staying up late so when Sunday came round it was pure bliss waking up late and doing absolutely nothing. This is the life I've been longing for for quite some time now. I just wish that all the people I love and care about could feel as content as I do now. At the same time, I know how life is, swings and roundabouts. I'm just going to enjoy this feeling while it lasts.

Domestic Bliss

I'm back online and all broadbanded up. I've been living in the town with Jakers for just over a week and we have a little haven of media and entertainment and scented candles. We take it in turns to make dinner and I make us both a packed lunch every day for work. Right now it's domestic bliss though Jakers reckons I'll be bored by next week and he'll be cooking all the dinners and there'll be no sandwiches for lunch.

We also have the loan of a Wii for a wee while. I'd never played one before but am totally relishing in the delight of beating Jakers at bowling and boxing. Beginner's luck no doubt but i may as well enjoy the feeling while it lasts.

I like the handiness of everything. Getting home from work without buses, popping down to the shops on a Sunday. I have also purchased myself a hot water bottle complete with fluffy cover. The cover is so soft I can almost pretend that it's a warm fluffy kitten. A picture of Nellybert's pup Judy hangs proudly on the living room wall but I'm not sure Jakers will allow me to plaster the whole place in animal pictures. He probaby thinks it's girly enough with all the scented candles though he has been known to walk past the Yankee Candle shop informing his men friends that when it comes to scented candles it has to be Yankee.

Well, anyway, I'd love to blog all night but I'd get tired and folk would get bored. I think I'll just light a scented candle, light a little smoke and chillax for the rest of the evening.