Meh

Today I'm feeling a bit 'Meh'. I am seriously lacking in any sort of motivation to do anything. There's no pleasing me. I don't want to hear about negative things and yet I'm told that 'that's life'. Like it or lump it. So I don't have a choice about the conversations I have and yet I grew up believeing that I had a choice in everything.

I thought I had dealt with some very strong emotions a while ago but, seemingly, I haven't. These feelings are giant. Bigger than I am and I'm a little swamped by them. Part of me would like to hide away from the world for a while but I don't have the luxury of hibernating.

Everyone has good days and bads days. I know this. In order for me to have more good days than bad days I need to be a bit more honest about my feelings in general. I once went out with a guy who didn't allow me to be honest about my feelings. I know this sounds stupid but it's true. I am scared to be upset, annoyed or pissed off because it has been reinforced that these emotions are not acceptable. But, you know what, I don't care any more. I really just don't care.

Beef Hustler

So, I misheard a word the other night. I thought someone said 'Beef Hustler'. What they really said was, 'befuzzler'. Neither make any sense but both were funny. Just out of interest I googled 'Beef Hustler' and look, it exists! You have to scroll down to see it.

Djingle Djangle

Sometimes real life gets busy and cyber life suffers as a result. Not that this is a bad thing. My big sister Katkins was home this weekend. She came out with me on Saturday night for a spot of bingo. Now, in fairness, this is not as granny like as if sounds. The bingo was for a charity fundraiser that a friend of mine organised. The general consensus was that all the girls loved bingo, all the boys didn't. Perhaps if the game worked so that, when you scratched off a number, it revealed a nude picture of a lady, the boys may have enjoyed it more.

This week is also a busy week. Tonight I have an awards ceremony and dinner to attend at Stormant and tomorrow we have a Django Django gig in Derry. The dinner is courtesy of Jakers (he was nominated for a learner's award) and the gig is courtesy of Nelly (who tells me that this band are the hottest thing since that spell of good weather we had a few weeks ago).

In other news, Rocky Rat doesn't seem in the best of health though his form isn't too bad. He doesn't seem to be able to put weight on but he accepts whatever food I offer him. He is a big fan of fortisip (a special vitamin drink designed for people who need calories but can't eat very well) so I give him a little sup of that every day but I can't leave anything in the cage for him to eat as the girls will get to it first and they certainly don't need to put on any weight. Meka is a hoarder and whatever food I put in their bowl she will hide down at the bottom of the cage. Sometimes I see her trying to squeeze as much as possible into her wee mouth to hoard downstairs. It may be this hoarding tendency that prevents Rocky from getting all the food he needs. There may come a time when I have to put Rocky in his own separate cage.

So, anyway, probably about time I got back to work here. I am nearing the end of the biggest order of reprints this shop has ever seen. I have built up a rapport with the customer and what had turned into a £100 job is turning into a £600 job. I feel like I know her whole family as I've seen so many photos.

Taking A Walk In Someone Else's Shoes

As it was my day off yesterday I decided to go out to Mum's to see Miss Martha. Judy and Bert had just got back from their holidays in Donegal and poor Judy was shattered from all the fun she'd had running wild and free at the beach. But Judy really took a shine to Martha's shoes and socks and so she asked if she could borrow them for a while. She looked a bit silly but I don't think she cared.




Poor Martha had to make do with my camera case to keep her little toes warm. Though she was the one who initially had taken off her shoes and socks to show me her lovely painted toenails. When we put them back on for her she was pleased that Judy had made them all warm and cosy for her.

Keep On Crushing

I have been struck down by Hannah Flu. It's not quite as bad as the swine flu epidemic but still worth complaining about. Speaking of the swine flu, I haven't been able to eat a Pear Picking Porky since I got a bad dose a few years ago.

I have recently joined hitRECord which is a website for creative and arty types to express themselves. If editing floats your boat you can use other members' songs, videos, photos, paintings, poems, etc. and remix your own version. It's basically doing away with the concept of copyright. It seems to be human nature to claim ownership but wouldn't the world be so much better if we all shared?

And whilst I'm talking about this website it's also worth mentioning that I have a crush on the guy who came up with the idea. He's an actor called Jospeh Gordon-Levitt and he's made me remember the importance of having a crush. When you're too young to get served at a bar, or buy a packet of skins to make a doobie, you're too old for dolls and prams, crushes are what gets you through the day. My first crush was Michael J. Fox and I didn't care how many gigawatts Doctor Emmet Brown was shouting about because Michael (Marty) looked so cute in his orange bodywarmer.

So it's healthy to have a crush, even when you've just turned 30 and the world of fantasy isn't quite as lucid as it once was. It's healthy because it keeps your mind preoccupied for a minute or two when normally your mind would be telling you to light up another cigarette. I also have a crush on my boyfriend because he kind of reminds me of JGL. Though my crush on Jakers is possibly more than just a crush. In fact, I think I might be in love with him.