Unleashing The Beast Within

My wee blog has been going for quite some time now. I'm not sure how long. Four or five years maybe. And though I have gained much happiness from it, at times, I've also found it hard. A chore. Sometimes it just wasn't in me to be funny or interesting or happy. But I never wanted my blog to become a forum for complaining. Another reason why I've found it difficult to maintain my blog is because it's not anonymous. Everything I write about I have to consider the (few) people who read it. I have censored myself so many times.

The obvious answer to this is to go create another blog, never give away my true identity, and say whatever the goddamn fXXk I want to say. I have done this three times. Each and everytime I have been pipped at the first post. I create my account (bearing in my mind that I also have to create a new email account to totally diassociate myself from this blog) and I can never rememeber my username and password combo. The last time I did it I briefly thought about writing down all my usernames and passwords so I wouldn't forget but, like every other time, I convinced myself I couldn't possibly forget. I have the same problem with my online halifax account.

So, my point is, I'm tired of censoring myself. I don't exactly have a big audience so why not say whatever the fXXk I want. And if that means posting a bit of offbeat 'poetry' then so be it. I unleash the beast within:

Tuesday came and and the promise that I'd made was broke,
The strain was too much,
What little strength I had left has faded into nothing,
The flame that flickered was blown out by a gentle gust of wind,
My eyes are not tired,
My brain is not tired,
But, oh my god, my soul is so weary.

And when my body is tired I can lie down,
When my brain is tired I can sleep.
But sometimes there is no rest,
For my soul that silently weeps.

Cruising

Those of you who read my mum's blog will have already heard all about our escapades on Tuesday evening. There were, however, a few parts that she "forgot" to mention. Like the part where she nearly had to be admitted to Hollywell with the onset of early dementia. The reason for mum ending up in such a heightened state of craziness was because she could not get her carload of extras to the right Joe Bloggs' Farm. Though mum was not playing an extra she could have stole the centre stage with her dramatics.

When we finally found our location we had the best fun, literally, rolling around in the hay. We were working with Maggie Young on her music video 52 Acres of Barley. Me and Jakers had to play young lovers so there wasn't much acting on our part really. Except for trying to get away with looking like teenagers. My friend Pepe was playing Maggie's lover and he had the pleasure of being covered in lipstick and getting his top off. It was great fun and a pleasure to be a part of it. I'm still siinging the song in my head.

On Wednesday I helped mum with a bit of soul cleansing. She was well overdue a clutter clearout and she was lacking the vital skills which makes a clutter clearout successful. The vital skills basically consist of being a ruthless, heartless bitch. Neither mum or I trusted each other in the attic alone. Mum was trying to sneak useless 'toot' by me for keeping. I was trying to sneak useless 'toot' in the chaity box without her noticing. We were both caught out eentually. But at least there were no actual fights. And though it wasn't even my stuff or my house I enjoyed it immensely because I knew how good it would make mum feel to let go of a lot of materialistic baggage.

Yesterday evening Jakers had his little girl up. She'd brought her friend around and they amused themselves with Moshi Monsters on the laptop. I brought out the flatpacked coffee table that mum had bought from Ikea several weeks ago and decided she didn't want anymore even before it was out of the packet. I took it off her hands as we lack a coffee table and they are actually pretty useful. As soon as the girls seen me taking it out they were down on the floor with me helping me to put the legs on. And later, when I sat down to do some of my glow in the dark jigsaw, they sat down to help me with that. It just goes to show that kids will entertain themselves with TV and computers but, maybe, given the choice, they'd prefer to do something more practical.

So now it's Friday evening and I managed to squeeze in a bit of time to clean my flat properly so I'm sitting here relaxing and feeling pretty chufed with myself. It's been a great week and I still have two more sleep in's but, even better than that, today I had a driving lesson and I actually drove on real roads through the outskirts of the town and home again. I was so pleased with myself that my instrutor couldn't help being excited for me. As I was thanking him he said "You know, us instructors enjoy it too". And I was by no means a perfect driver but I was still driving, And not only that, I'm finally doing something that I had put off for so long. It was like a big box that hung over my head, waiting to be ticked. I am already planning the most epic of road trips :)

I Wish I Had A Hammock

It's Monday and it's so windy it would blow you into next week. I must take shelter for it would be a terrible shame to miss my week off. Can you tell how happy I am to be on holiday?

The dentist took an X-ray of my teeth. He doesn't yet know if my toothache is due to an abcess or my teeth grinding. Either way he's going to charge me a fortune. My teeth grinding is pretty bad. Many's a morning I have woke to find Jakers lying on the sofa. I'm getting fitted with a mouth guard which will sting me £50 and I will no longer be able to suck my thumb when I'm sleeping. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

The rats are being lazy today. I'm thinking of joining them. I wish I had a hammock though.

You'll Find Me In The Dark

Woo! Hoo! I'm off work for a whole week. I'm not going anywhere but I don't think I'll have time to get bored. In fact, I suspect I may be busier than I would be in a normal week. I start the week off with a driving lesson. It's taking me a while but I don't even care. There's no point rushing myself because it wouldn't help me learn any quicker. I decided to book my self a few lessons close together though as I felt the one week gap was too long.

After that I have an appointment with the dentist. He is sure to charge me a fortune. The rest of Monday is mine though. On Tuesday I hope to join Miss Martha at the fun factory. Aunty Jayney is coming along as she adores Martha and Martha thinks Jayney is also very nice.

Also on Tuesday, weather permitting, I shall be hanging out on a farm to do cool stuff. I shall report more when it's happened. I also plan to help Nelly do a wile lotta redding out. I've told her we have to be ruthless. I think I get a little kick out of being ruthless. Only with clutter around the house though. There is something immensely satisfying about getting rid of things that lie around doing nothing.

I'm not sure what the rest of the week will hold but I'm looking forward to chilling out a bit aswell. I'm sure the rats will be lavished with plenty of attention. I'll probably go out and spend a fortune on toys for them. And, after all that, I hope I have time to do my new glow in the dark jigsaw. So, if you're looking for me, I'll be in a dark room trying to piece together the glow in the dark puzzle.

Oh What Fun We Had

Lucky Miss Martha had the pleasure of hanging out with her Auntie Katy this week. Auntie Katy lives in Norfolk so doesn't get to hang with her darling niece that often. The day started as is does most days I stay over at Nellybert's. Martha came to wake me up and brush my hair. She then had her porridge (which must be said whilst nodding her head approvingly) and after breakfast it was time to explore the great outdoors.



Martha's dolly wanted to go for a swing but she's much too little to go on a grownup swing on her own so Martha accompanied her.



After all that Martha needed a rest so she hung about on the hammock putting her feet up.



After a good rest Martha was picking berries in the tunnel where she remembered that cat's exist. She tried to cuddle Holly but she was having none of it. I reminded Martha that it was Freddy who she liked. So off we went on a big hunt for Freddy. We tried the greenhouse, Pearlie's room, all the bedrooms and the shed. Eventually he turned up under the car. Martha petted him then chased him right up the back lane.



Finally it was time for Granny and Martha to go for a wee spin on the ninky nonk train. I think this was maybe the most fun part of the day for Martha. And for Granny. And for me.



As well as all that Martha managed to fit in time to bath Dolly who was in dire need of it, eat berries, complete an obstacle course and see the 'other piggies' who she has become rather fond of. We shall not tell her that one day those piggies might be 'nunch'.