The clock says 22:40 and I should have been sleeping two hours ago. It's not very often that I am insomniatic but it's been a peculiar day and I have a lot on my mind. My date last night was lovely. I had been dropping Gus' name more frequently in my posts but now I'm just gonna admit that we are in a relationship. Luckily for me he never reads my blog so I can write about him without feeling too embarassed.
But that is not why I'm still up with thoughts racing through my head. I thought I had a new flatmate sorted but it fell through. I worried for a few hours and then I took Ziggy for a walk. Walking always helps me to think and I thought about how I don't want to worry anymore. And I thought about why I was worried and it's because I have committed myself to the counselling degree and I need to be able to afford it, as well as living. Then I thought about who was holding the gun to my head and it was me.
This lead to other thoughts about the world in general and all the many, many people within it. I thought about trust and fear; how most people are scared to trust others, fear the unknown, how disconnected it all makes us. I thought about good and evil, yin and yang, how the news keeps reminding us that there's "bad people" out there. I thought about theories of consciousness, how we create our own reality, mind over matter. And I came to the conclusion that no matter how many people tell me not to trust that everyone is good I will stand by my belief. I won't bow down to the fear and when everyone else has as much faith in humankind as I do then maybe, just maybe the world will be a better place. I realise that very few people think like I do and that can make it seem like I'm fighting a losing battle. Sometimes the warrior spirit can feel a little defeated but it never gives up surfing the blowhole and picking up grains of happiness on the way.
2 comments:
Most folk in the world are generally nice and we are all the same. Sadly the politics of the world are in the hands of the few and power corrupts. All we can do is our best for those we love or like around us and hope others are doing the same for those around them. Don't try and fix more than you can, it will drive you mad Miss Hannah. Do what you can, but be happy, our spirits are not about in this universe for very long and there might be something well exciting in the next one.
Take care and good luck with the new flat mate
I agree Rob though it seems to be an integral part of my design to want to try and 'fix' things. I don't want to stick band-aids over bruises though. I want to fix things from the inside.
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