That's me!!I'm finding it really hard to maintain this blog at the minute. It's because I've been so busy doing all the things on the list in the previous post. I haven't managed to take up knitting yet though Zoe.
Nah, it's because everything I write at the minute is pure dung. It's either boring, depressing, sentimental nonsense or it's just not funny enough. If I was a writer I'd call it writer's block but I'm not so it's probably just a block shoved up my arse. I don't want my blog to end up being a space where I just bitch and moan about the world. On the other hand though, it's my blog and I should use it for whatever the hell I want to. I also worry about giving too much of myself away but fuck it, that's the kind of person I am.
Work is probably the most depressing thing in my life. All through Christmas I really tried to stay positive about it and when people asked how it was going I lied and said it was fine. Now I feel like quitting at least five times a week, which is every day I'm there. When I say I'm can't take anymore of something it is normally after weeks of pretending that I can cos I don't like to give up easily. So when I say I've had enough I've had more than enough. It got so bad that I even very very briefly was considering a career in the police force. I think if I spend much longer there I will have nothing left to offer the world.
I was telling my mum a while ago that although I'm 23 I feel like I'm 43. I have no social life and I rarely hang out with anyone my own age at the minute. I have people that I could visit in Belfast but no impetus to see them because of how I'm feeling. I miss my boyfriend like crazy and I miss my people. I miss my old job, my lifestyle, everything. I don't think I want to go back because it wasn't perfect there. Nowhere is. I miss being me though and doing what I do.